Yesterday I went to a special needs hospital here in
Antigua. It was one of the most
difficult things that I have ever done.
I am not a person that naturally feels comfortable around
the special needs people. I just don’t
know what to do with them. I feel really
uncomfortable. I struggled for a long
time when we got there. I didn’t know
what to do or where to go or who to help.
I walked into one room that had older children in there. These poor kids were just lying there in
their cribs that looked more like cages…they were just lying there in their own
poop and pee. I am pretty sure that is
how they spend their days. I was
supposed to help feed them, but I just stood there trying not to cry. I had to walk out of the room and collect
myself. I prayed that God would direct
me and show me where I could be useful.
Then I just kind of wandered into another room. The kids were a bit younger and a nurse just
sort of handed me a bowl of food and asked me if I wanted to feed Melvin. I looked toward Melvin and nodded somewhat
sheepishly. I was intimidated. Melvin has the face of an older teenager, but
his body had just totally wasted away.
He could barely eat the food I was attempting to feed him. I was really nervous and I was really
uneasy. Well, as I began to feed him,
the rest of the world just faded away. I
saw a beautiful child of God lying there in that tiny bed. As soon as I began to actually enjoy what I
was doing, Melvin looked up at me and smiled.
My heart melted. It was a very
sweet experience. When I was done, I was
feeling much better and ready to love on some children.
I moved on and found Diego.
I just felt like he was the one.
Diego just wanted to laugh, and I happen to be an expert at making
children laugh. And so I just stood next
to his crib and acted goofy and crazy while Diego just laughed and laughed and
laughed. He was beautiful. His laugh was beautiful. When he laughed, my heart filled with joy. If you had a video on me, you would see a big
ol’ fool, but Diego was loving it and so I just acted a fool. My teammate, Becky, told me that I had been
there for about an hour. It felt like 10
minutes to me. I was not ready to
go. I think that Diego will always have
a little piece of my heart with him.
I learned something yesterday in that experience. I was really uncomfortable, but I stopped
operating in my head and started operating in my heart and the barriers just
fell away. I think that my mind makes my
walls seem like they are these huge structures made of cinder blocks and
cement, laced with barbed wire, and strengthened with rebar. I walk to them and then I just stop. But as soon as I seek God and push them, they
just crumble and fall. They are made of
nothing but imaginations and lies from the enemy. They won’t stand because God is mightier than
any barrier that stands in my way. I
think that some barriers might be harder to push through. But they will all come tumbling down as I forge
ahead into them. I feel like God keeps
telling me that once I start operating out of my heart…once I stop thinking
about everything and just praying and then acting out of my heart and acting
out of faith…then all the strongholds I have built for myself will fall.
I got a vision in my head today of me kicking and punching and
pushing and walls falling. All I have to
say to that is AMEN!! When I am really
ready to do that, I know that with God’s power behind me…they will fall just
like I see them falling in my head.
