After tons of travel, I finally made it to Panajachel, Guatamala. I am getting some good Spanish practice!! Panajachel is this really cute mountain town. There is a BEAUTIFUL lake nearby called Lake Atitlan. The whole are is just GORGEOUS!! It has rained EVERY AFTERNOON so far!! But this is an awesome place to kick off the World Race.
I have been instructed to write a blog and I really have NO IDEA what to write about!!! So I’m just going to write about something that God just started to walk me through.
When I came to here, I was just plain STUCK!! To be perfectly honest, I am totally having an identity crisis. I am Ms. Thompson, the 7th grade Social Studies teacher. I am Amanda the sister, Amanda the best friend, Ms. Amanda the youth leader, Amanda the missionary, Amanda the daughter, granddaughter, niece, friend, etc…. I am the Amanda that everyone is watching. That is what I thought. HOWEVER…all of those Amandas are at home. The only Amanda that is here is the one that God wants to mold. I have been here feeling totally lost and alone. I am finding myself totally awkward and unsettled. What am I supposed to do with myself now? What role am I supposed to fill now? Who is going to be my friend? Who can I turn to? Who can I trust? The weight of this was CRUSHING ME!!
So we had us some “church” tonight and the Holy Spirit done showed up!
Tonight, I found some freedom from that crushing weight. I have been struggling all my life to perform well. I hate it when I am not good at something. Cynicism and skepticism and judgment have clouded my thoughts for a long time, but ESPECIALLY since I have been here. I have been feeling all of this pressure to fill some sort of role…to complete some sort of task…to be something or somebody specific. I have been struggling to find my niche…to FIT!! Well, tonight that was identified to me as an orphan spirit…and those who felt it were asked to come for prayer. I did.
These words were prayed over me (as closely as I remember)
He LOVES you
Ha ha…I cried. I didn’t break in half, but I cried. Wow. Why is it so hard for me to believe that I don’t have to DO ANYTHING to receive His love? Why is that so difficult? Why is it so hard to believe that I am beautiful? Because I haven’t created my identity in HIM!! I continue to create it for myself or to allow others to create my identity for me!
In the coming year of my journey, I hope to discover who God wants me to be. I hope to fill the role that HE intended me to fill. Somebody asked me the other day what my goal was for this trip. I said that my goal was to let God strip me down and make me raw…to be totally and completely UNDONE!! This is just the first step in that process!!!
Thank you for all the love and support that has brought me here…..
In a couple days, team Agape8 and team N.E.O.N. will be headed to Puerto Barrios on the Caribbean coast. We are supposed to be doing construction and painting work along with evangelism and some teaching. I am super excited about getting my hands dirty and starting with some ministry!!
