My sister introduced me to Casey Abrams, the adorable American Idol contestant who immediately captured my attention. I first saw him perform CCR’s, Have You Ever Seen the Rain – and i. loved. it. He just stood there looking all adorable with his upright bass, sang beautifully, and I was intrigued.
Since I don’t have television, I couldn’t watch his performance on Wednesday. Today I decided to watch it on YouTube and I ended up sitting in front of my computer screen with my jaw hanging open. wow. I had never heard the song before…but this line reverberated in my mind for hours afterward.
“The greatest thing
that we could ever learn
is just to love
and be loved in return.”
God has been trying to teach me that for a long time now. Why is it so hard?
For me, the easy part is loving, and the hard part is being loved. I could talk for a long time about that, but these are the main 2 questions I have: If God loves me and I love God, then how important is it, REALLY, to receive love from people? If God is all I need, then why do I need people, too? Those thoughts are just evidence that my brain rejects the idea of being loved. I struggle constantly, like I think many people do, with thinking that I have to somehow EARN love from people and from God.
It kinda messes me up to think that love is free.
A good friend of mine told me this, “love has no reason. it just IS. it’s just GIVEN. if you had to DO something for me to love you, it wouldn’t be love at all…. would it?”
.….I KNOW this with my head…but I don’t know when my heart will understand….
**Side note: My car is awesome. I have my only quality alone time in my car because I can talk to myself or sing as loud as I want and there is nobody around to call me weird. I process well in my car.
I get that God is love, and I also get that sometimes God uses people to show us how much he loves us. I wonder, however, if God is love, then is love also God? Is all evidence of love in the world also evidence of God? I mean, in that case, God loves me through the love of other people and when I don’t allow people to love me, then I’m also not allowing God to love me.
…that’s heavy…
Anyway, God is doing some deep stuff in me right now as I attempt to prepare for Thailand. I would appreciate your prayers!! No, seriously…I would. And I can’t even begin to tell you what it means that you are still reading my blogs and following my journey… Thank you!
P.S. You should check out Casey’s version of Natureboy before you go…its totally worth your time 🙂
