Students file in and drop their books on their desks. They slump into their chairs and look at me like, “How are you going to torture me today?” As if education was the worst possible torture.
I say, “Take out your Religions in Asia notes”. I say this because they are going to use them for an assignment to be completed today. Immediately 5 hands shoot up in the air and I restrain myself from rolling my eyes because I know exactly what they are going to say.
“Can I go get my book out of my locker?” a student asks.
“Why do you need to get your book?” I ask. See, they are supposed to have their notes in their notebook, but most of the time they just shove them into the nearest place to shove them and exit the room as quickly as possible.
“I left my notes in there”, the student explains.
“How many people left their notes in their locker?” I ask. Six hands or so shoot up into the air and I tell them to all go to their lockers. They have 90 seconds.
Once they finally return, I walk toward the front of the room and thank them for their attention. This is a trick to actually GET their attention. Slowly, they stop talking and wait for me to give them instructions.
“This is for a quiz grade, so please listen carefully to the instructions”.
A hand shoots up, and without waiting for me to acknowledge them, “Ms. Thompson, I have to go to the bathroom”.
“Not right now, I will take you as a class later”, I explain.
I then explain the assignment for the day. “Use your notes to fill in this graphic organizer. You are not going to just copy every little fact in the box; you have to SUMMARIZE the information. I repeat, do NOT copy every little detail. Also, don’t just pick one random little fact and write it in the box thinking that you are done. SUMMARIZE the information. Summarize. (I explained more than that, but it is boring to type and I’m sure boring to read) Does anybody have any questions?”
A hand goes up. “Yes”, I respond.
“Can I go to the bathroom?”
Didn’t I just tell them that I would take them later??? “No, we will go as a class later. That is the second time I have said that”.
I look up to see a child in the back of the classroom swinging his head violently from side to side while making a strange humming sound. So naturally, I tell him to stop this ridiculous action.
“Stop what?” he demands.
Stop what?? Does he NOT know what he is doing??? Does he think I’m deaf and blind?? Lord, give me PATIENCE!!!!!
“Stop making that sound and please pay attention so you can know what to do to get a good grade, which I know you can do because you are very smart”. I am trying to build him up so he will actually attempt the assignment.
Again I address the class, “Does everyone understand?” Everyone nods or says yes and they FINALLY get to work. About 60 seconds later a hand goes up. I look at the student and ask how I can help him.
“What are we doing?” he asks.
What are we doing??? Didn’t I just give instructions?
I sigh and explain it to him, and the whole class again because inevitably he is not the only one that did not pay attention.
Fast forward a few minutes. A student in the back of the room needs help and has raised their hand politely. As I walk towards the back to help this student, I hear “Ms. Thompson….Ms. Thompson….I don’t know….Where can I find….Can I go to the bathroom??” They think that as I get close to them, the rule about raising hands no longer applies.
At this point I lose my patience.
“THE NEXT PERSON TO ASK ME TO GO THE BATHROOM IS NEVER GOING TO GO IN THIS CLASS AGAIN. WE ARE GOING TO THE BATHROOM AS SOON AS IT IS TIME. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, RAISE YOUR HAND. DO NOT BOMBARD ME AS I ATTEMPT TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE. THIS IS NOT YOUR FIRST DAY AND YOU KNOW THE RULES!!!”
At this particular moment, a student chooses to approach me directly and ask me some totally irrelevant question and I yell again, “RAISE YOUR HAND – RAISE YOUR HAND – RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION”
I sigh and close my eyes.
Inhale Jesus – exhale Satan. Inhale Jesus – exhale Satan.
I vaguely remember something about patience being a virtue. God seems to want me to develop some because he SURE is testing me!!!
I smile and thank the students who are doing the right thing.
This, ladies and gentlemen is the FIRST 15 minutes of class!!!!
I wonder what Jesus would do if He taught middle school.
I feel bad because I want so badly to shine as a light for Jesus. I want these students to see Jesus in me. They just FRUSTRATE me. They act like they can’t think at all and they refuse to put forth any effort at all. I pray increasingly for patience. I know that until I leave, this is my post. I don’t want to slack off. I don’t want to burn out. I want to continue to do a good job. I am finding certain parts of my job to be very useless. I compared myself today to a hamster on a wheel. The faster I run, the more work I do to go nowhere.
The thing is – I LOVE these children. I LOVE this job. I care about them and I really desire to have a relationship with them. It is difficult around this time of year because they begin to test me. They push me and they push me to see what they can get away with. It is important to remain strict and firm, although it can be very draining. I just have such a large responsibility to shove information down their throats that I feel like I have no time to make an impact with them. I’m forced to see them in terms of what they can accomplish rather than who they are. I wish I had more time to actually TEACH them about life…about choices…but there is no TIME!
I’m currently 3 weeks behind in grading, 2 weeks behind in laundry. I’m way behind in cleaning and organizing at home AND in my classroom. I’ve constantly got something to do or somewhere to be. I’m trying to get to know my teammates before training camp. I’m supposed to somehow be in shape before training camp. I’m supposed to be looking at gear and reading books and spending time with God in preparation for my mission trip. I volunteer with the youth at church and also with the youth in the community. I’m also trying to figure out how to raise the money I need to go on the trip. I’m being pulled in MANY different directions and it is easy to get overwhelmed and stressed out. Yesterday I started to let things get to me. When I did, a particular verse came to mind…. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
At times, this seems like an impossible load to carry. Sunday night, I broke down and literally cried to God. I told him that I couldn’t do it without his help. I cried about my frustrations. I cried about my stress level. I cried about my worries and my fears. I cried out to God. For two hours I cried and prayed. Then I read my Bible some and went to sleep. In the morning, I felt lighter. I felt happier. I felt that way because God took some of my load. Just like he promised he would. I was walking down the hallway Monday morning, and a friend stopped me. She told me to get a list of my gear and give it to her because she and her husband are going to buy it for me. I was beside myself. I KNOW it was God!!! He was giving me a big ol’ hug through my friend. My God is so awesome!!!
And so, instead of stressing out and going crazy, I will put my trust in God. I will put my faith in the one in whom ALL things are possible! He will equip me to do above and beyond anything I can think or imagine. Although it is difficult, I will not worry, but I will trust God!! He has brought me this far and he has not brought me this far for nothing! He WILL carry me!!
