Faith

What is faith?

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it
gives us assurance about things we cannot see. 

What in the world does THAT mean?  I have been wrestling with the
idea of FAITH for a while now.  I guess it started in Romania, but it has
increasingly been on my mind the longer we stay in Africa. 

I have thought about it and thought about it and thought about it. 
God has put situations in my path to teach me more about faith.  I just
want to share some of my thoughts here. 

Faith is believing that God will be your protector and defender. 
Faith is stepping into the unknown believing that God will protect you. 
Faith involves believing without expectation or believing in spite of
expectations not being met.  Faith is the belief that God loves me and cares
about even the small things.  I can say that I believe all of those
things, but if I really do believe them, then my actions will show it.

That
brings me back to obedience.  There are so many times that I tell God, “NO”. 
I tell him to find someone else who is more qualified.  Often, I want to
SEE or somehow know in advance that I am going to be successful.  But
faith is assurance about things we cannot see.  CANNOT SEE!!

God
often uses circumstances to teach me lessons.  The following is the story
that taught me about faith:

When
we were still in Mozambique, a fellow racer was suffering from skin infections. 
She had multiple bug bites that were infected.  She also had exema that
was acting up.  On top of that, one morning she came to me and showed me
her pinky finger, which had swelled to twice its normal size.  She had no
idea what was wrong. 

As
she was showing me her finger, God told me VERY clearly, “Amanda, pray for her
because I want to heal her”.  Now, I do NOT see myself as someone who is
capable of praying healing over someone.  I told God to find someone else. 
He kept gently reminding me that he wanted ME to do it.  I kept putting it
out of my mind. 

A
few days later (yes, I really argued for a few days), God told me AGAIN to go
pray healing over her because he wanted to heal her.  I had an opportunity
right then and there but I was really nervous and I still wasn’t sure God was
really telling me to do what I thought he was telling me to do.  That
opportunity slipped away.  I decided to make a deal with God.  I told
him that if he created another opportunity that day that I would do it. 
We happened to be at the beach at that particular moment, and another
opportunity never presented itself, so I thought I was off the hook.  Ha
Ha Ha. 

I
had a few errands to run in Vilankulos that day so I hustled off to get stuff
done.  I went downtown to Miracles shop where I picked up my awesome
Africa pants and my awesome new Africa purse.  I was really excited. 
Then a friend and I went to meet up with some other people at the pizza place. 

I
end up at the pizza place for lunch and the person is there that God told me to
heal.  As soon as I saw her, God again told me to go pray healing over
her.  I quickly reminded him of our deal and sat down.  We all sat
around and talked about random things while we watched the tide come in. 
God kept tugging at my heart and I kept putting it off.  Pretty much every
single time I looked at her, God laid it on my heart to pray for her. 
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I got up to go to the bathroom. 

When
I came out of the bathroom, I just walked down to the wall near the water. 
I sat down on it and began to pray.  God is so patient.  He told me
again to pray for her and I whined, “I don’t know what to pray”.  God then
responded to me, “Amanda, where is your faith”?  I thought that was an
excellent question.  I sighed and then told God that I had no clue what I
was doing but that I would do it if he really wanted me to.  When I opened
my eyes, what do you think I saw??  I saw the person I was supposed to
pray for just sitting on the beach below me.  She was all by herself. 
I rolled my eyes upward and said, “really?” under my breath.  He answered,
“REALLY!!  Now GO!!”  So begrudgingly I jumped off the wall to join her on the
sand. 

I
stood right where I landed for a good minute or so.  My heart was
pounding.  I wondered why I was so nervous.  After I finally gathered
the courage, I walked to where she was sitting and plopped myself down on the
sand next to her.  I opened my mouth and the word, “Sooooo” came out of my
mouth.  Then she stuck her hand in my face.  She said God talked to
her as well and she knew why I was there.  I figured at that point that
God was really serious and I knew I had to pray.  I didn’t know why I was
so nervous, but I really was. 

I
told her I had no clue what I was doing, but I was going to pray anyway. 
So I prayed for her finger.  Then she prayed over herself and while she
was praying, God told me that I needed to pray again for her.  So I told her
and then I prayed for her again.  Then I told her that I thought she was
supposed to go rinse her finger in the salt water.  She didn’t skip a
beat.  She marched down to the water and put her hands right in. 
Then she turns around and points at me to come join her by the water.  I
get up and run down there.  I thought God miraculously healed her finger. 
He didn’t, but he told her that she needed to rinse her whole body because he
wanted to heal everything.  She tells me that she thinks I’m supposed to get
in the water with her and pray over her again.  At this point, I’m over
arguing with God, so I walk out with her and then pray for her again.  I
don’t know exactly what I was expecting, but nothing happened.  I went to
the bathroom again and when I came out my hands were tingling.  I told her
that my hands were tingling and so she told me to pray for her again.  I
did.  Again nothing happened. 

I
couldn’t understand it.  I KNEW that God told me he wanted to heal her. 
I KNEW he told me to pray for her.  So why didn’t he heal her?  I
started looking in the Bible for healing stories.  I noticed that many
times when Jesus healed – it was in response to the faith of the person asking
for healing.  I know she had faith but I wondered about mine. 

For
days – God would prompt me to pray for her and I would go pray healing over
her.  Her finger actually got worse.  I began to wonder if she should
start taking medicine or something.  She said she was losing feeling in
the finger.  She refused to take anything.  She knew she was getting
her healing.  I wondered why God chose ME for this.  I read the story
in Luke 11 that teaches about persistance in prayer.  God was telling me
to just keep praying.  My persistence and obedience was showing my
faithfulness.  I flipped to Luke 17 and found the part that says that if
we are found faithful in the little things, we can be trusted with the big
things.  This pinky finger seemed like a small thing, but to God it
wasn’t.  He wanted me to be persistent, obedient, and faithful.  I
was doing my best – I just didn’t understand why things were getting worse. 

One
day I was praying about the situation and God showed me in a flash that EVERY
TIME I prayed for her, I first said that I had no clue what I was doing, but I
was going to pray anyway.  He showed me that I was looking for a formula. 
He was right – I thought that I had to have the perfect words to pray. 
God told me that he just wanted to pray the words he put on my heart. 
Again he asked me, “Amanda, where is your faith?”  I wondered
why he chose me.  My spoken words are sometimes so awkward – especially
when I don’t know what I am doing. 

There
was no reprieve, however.  God kept prompting me to pray for her.  I
began just praying in the Spirit with some words in it somewhere.  When I
felt like i had words, I used them.  My prayers were really short and
awkward most of the time.  God led me to the book of James.  The
prayers of the righteous avail much.  He did hear my prayers and he wanted
to heal her.  But the focus had to be on HIM and not my words.  I
also had to believe that he wanted to heal her, but not only that, I had to
believe that he really wanted to use ME to heal her.  

Once
I started praying from my heart, God really started moving.  Within a day
and a half, her finger had gone back to normal.  She was healed. 

Wow. 

I
learned a lot about faith from this experience.  I learned to have faith
that God really does want to use ME – yes ME – to do amazing things for his
Kingdom.  He wants to use me, but he wants to use me to bring glory to HIM
and not me.  I can’t make it about myself.  It doesn’t matter whether
I know what I’m doing or whether I have the right words.  It just matters
that I do what he asks me to do.