Month 9 in Cambodia. This month has been filled with different church visits, different parts of my testimony shared, different worship songs, different bible stories, different red dirt roads, and different locals to love on, but with all the same commandments in line; loving God and loving people.
This month has been great, but I’ve hit that wall and am tired. The heat here is intense and smothered with humidity; the random spurts of electricity and water are a gamble; the lack of energy to get out of the truck’s bed after another washboard dirt road to a crowd of staring locals; the feelings of lacking when I give myself in song and emotion during ministry and then come together with my team each night to pour into them as well; the pulling thoughts of home in two months; and the spiritual weight that I have been pouring out for nine months now. Many of my team members and squad members have been voicing out their need for prayer for strength and endurance, and I’m right in that boat. This was the first month of the race that I didn’t want to go into, I could have staying in Thailand for the rest of the trip and been content. Our month 8 debrief was good, but also distracting with the needed confrontation of month 12 coming soon, and our necessary preparations. When we arrived in Phnom Penh and we were able to connect with E Squad, W Squad and some X Squaders who were either leaving or entering Cambodia as well. We had a night of worship in someone’s room with a random collection of the different squads and sang one song that hit home for me.“I may be weak, but your Spirit’s strong in me; my flesh may fail, but my God you never will.” This has been on repeat in my mind ever since and my prayer every morning I wake up.
I know I have no strength left in my flesh and I acknowledge my need for Him.
This month has been beautiful; do not get me wrong. I have just been tired and experiencing irritation with the way I easily get distracted in my thoughts and irritated with my surroundings. I am always reminded of the Word, saying that our God’s power is made perfect in our weakness, and I am ready for that to happen because I know that I am weak right now. Jesus took me to some really beautiful verses the other morning…
But as for me, I watch and hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.
Micah 7:7
The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.
Habakkuk 3:19
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord, and put their trust in him.
Psalm 40: 1-3
My conclusion from his Word? My strength will rise as I wait on Him. What this means exactly, I’m not 100% sure… but as he continuously tells me to trust him, I will obey. I trust him that his power is made perfect in my weakness – that he going to use me still in these next 10 weeks – and that as I wait upon him, my strength will rise.
…and now I wait…
