Applying for the World Race, I was excited to go and ready tell everyone about it, but when I was accepted, something changed. When I put down the phone, it got real. January seemed so far away, and I didn’t know where to start.
I’m going on the World Race. I’m leaving my friends, family, and home for 11 months. I’m living out of a backpack I don’t even own. I have to raise over $16,000. I’ve never done anything like this in my life. What was I thinking? I don’t know how to be a missionary.
Fear and doubts crept in, and I got overwhelmed, busy, and distracted.
I got the phone call during finals week, finished finals, recovered from finals, and started job hunting. I got a job. We had a family emergency. Mom was out of town, and I got busy with work and life. Support raising just stayed on the back burner. I told myself I would start support raising after ____, but there was always something else.
4 months just flew by.
I’m not irrationally busy, but lies are dangerously powerful.
My fear of vulnerability fed my avoidance of support letters. I worried I might say the wrong thing or offend someone by asking for support. I wondered if I was bold enough, wise enough, disciplined enough, or strong enough for this trip. I worried I was too scared and doubtful to be effective. I assumed I was the only one struggling on my team. I feared I might let people down, and worse, that this might all be a mistake.
Really, I was afraid God might not show up, and I was convinced I could ruin His plans.
Lies are exhausting. I have been so restless and conflicted, but I cannot stay this way for another 15 months.
It’s almost September.
As my sweet friend Abby reminded me, the journey starts now.
I am slowly realizing I’m trying too hard. I’m trying to do everything myself, and it wasn’t supposed to be that way. The fruit of the spirit are products of a soul filled, completed, and grounded in Christ.
This journey is not going to be easy, but it doesn’t have to be hard. As Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
If God has called me on this trip, I cannot mess it up. I don’t have to be perfect. He just asks me to come to Him, step out, and trust Him. I don’t have to say the right thing or be good enough because my best would never cut it. He has made a way. He is more than enough, and I do not have to do this alone.
I want to breathe deeply in God’s grace. I want to remember who He is and go boldly where He’s called me. I want to trust Him more and rest in His faithfulness. I want to know He is strong in my weakness and walk freely because He is with me, and I pray the same for you.
Love you all.
