It’s
amazing the amount of freedom we can receive from Christ. It’s also amazing how
much freedom we don’t realize we need until we are desperate enough to
graciously receive it from our Savior.
It’s
been 9 years, and I can still hear his words ringing in my ear. It’s been
almost 7 months since I’ve told the whole story for the first time, and I feel completely
freed from the situation.
Did you know that
at least 1 in 3 people are victims of sexual assault? Every year there are
about 213,000 victims reported, and every two minutes, someone in the U.S. is
assaulted. By the time you finish reading this blog, someone else will be added
to that number. Someone’s daughter. Someone’s little sister. Someone’s mother,
son, wife, or brother. If the numbers are 1 in 3, how many people do you know
that are carrying this secret?
As
the Lord has called me to share my story, today I declare the truth that I am 1
in 3. I am a victim of sexual assault.
People
stay silent for a number of different reasons. Guilt. Shame. Pride. Confusion.
Fear. Mine was a combination. I felt like what had happened was my fault. I
didn’t put up a good enough fight, and I somehow should have seen it coming.
Looking back, I now know how unrealistic those lies are. Guilt. I couldn’t tell
anyone close to me because I couldn’t bear the thought of them thinking they
didn’t protect me well enough. Telling my family, even over skype, was like a
weight lifted off of my shoulders. They had a right to know, and I had robbed
them of the opportunity to help me cope.
The
beauty of the situation is that today I can write my story to you and know that
I am FREE! I no longer have to carry
the burden of the lies, guilt, or shame.
Rather
than feeling guilty for not fighting hard enough, the only remorse I feel comes
from not fighting harder for him. A few years after the incident, I found a way
to forgive him. I prayed that his eyes would be opened to the Lord and he would
be spared of the heartache, pain, and loneliness that caused him to do such a
thing. My sophomore year of college, as I was attending the funeral of a mutual
friend, I found out that this man had passed as well. He died in his late 30’s
after suffering from a long battle with cancer. Rather than walking in the
regret of not forgiving him sooner, the Lord has given me eyes of compassion
for other men in his situation.
“Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I
take refuge in you.” Psalm 25:20
I
think back to that night on the street when I saw the young girl sobbing,
remembering the older man’s words to her. His words will forever be engrained
in my memory, right next to the words that were spoken over me. There is no excuse for the impure actions of
man, but our hatred for the sins of our brother will only bring victory to the
enemy. It’s too easy to hate them, but we are called to something more.
It’s funny how our hearts can be changed when we realize the depth of a
situation. The bottom line is that the thought of purchasing a little girl is detestable,
but several (not all) of these men are buying them for more than sex. They long
for companionship. They are lost and looking for love, so they come to a place
where they think their money will buy it for them, they fall in love with these
girls, only to wake up and realize that the women feel nothing but enslaved by
them. Sadly, they don’t even realize that most of the time. The men are
deceived into thinking that the girls like it, they are older than they
actually are, and so the men somehow believe they may even be doing the women a
favor. Why is it so hard for us to see that they too are lost, hurting, and
broken souls?
These
men are beautiful, children of God, and they need our prayers and love just as
much as the women they purchase.
“For He will deliver the needy who cry out,
the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the
needy and save the needy from death.” Psalm 72:12-13
One
of the darkest places we entered that night was a narrow building/alley lined
with bars on either side. The glowing signs lit up the faces of the women as
they approached us looking for business. At the end of the strip, there was a
boxing ring where visitors could enjoy some extra entertainment. Young children
flooded the alleyway, selling flowers and trinkets as they were being seasoned,
and the ladyboys flaunted themselves at us as they were wearing next to
nothing. The irony is, I’ve never seen so much light in a place of darkness.
Before
we entered, I knew it would be a difficult walk, so I immediately allowed the
prayers to flow from my lips. The moment we stepped inside, I knew the Spirit
of the Lord was in that place! My heart was broken for them, but I could see in
that moment that the Father had not abandoned His children. It was a strange
feeling, but as I looked at the hurting children and prostitutes, I was
overwhelmed by a sense of peace and comfort. My heart burns to rescue them, but
the Lord was reminding me that He was already there, planning their rescue!
“When they cry out to
the LORD because of their oppressors He will send them a savior and defender,
and He will rescue them.” Isaiah
19:20
My
experience in no way compares to what these children face in the sex
trafficking industry every day of their lives, and I don’t claim to have
grasped an understanding of what life is like for them. All I know is that when
I look into the eyes of young girls who are broken, lonely, and shameful of
what has been taken from them, the Lord has blessed me with an opportunity to
relate to them. For that, I can do nothing but thank the Lord for the darkness
He has carried me through.
“In my anguish I
cried to the LORD, and He answered by setting me free.” Psalm 118:5
Too
many times we allow the lies of the enemy to infiltrate our hearts until we
believe them as truth. Luckily, we have a Savior who is always ready to speak truth, freedom, and healing into our
lives.
I
am pure. I am loved. I am strong. I am bold. I am faithful. The Spirit of the
Lord is strong in me. I once was broken and robbed of a part of me, but now I
daily walk in the freedom and truth of our Lord.
So
I do not mourn for the lost and lonely that fill the streets of this world, but
I rejoice in the truth that our Savior has already won! I walk in compassion
and prayer for their hearts, knowing that I will not stop fighting for them,
just as our Lord has not abandoned them. Just as He did not abandon me.
“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O
mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his
afflicted ones.” Isaiah
49:13
