Today
I learned about God’s strength in my life.
But
to tell this story I must backtrack to training camp, which I’m sure
you want to hear about anyway, right? 😉
Training
camp was taxing in every way possible, especially physically. I’ve
never been the athletic person even though I’ve always kind of wished
I was. At training camp I climbed up steep hills, carried heavy
items, and ran from the “police” when we were assimilating what
it was like for the persecuted church, amongst other physical
activities. The time that was most difficult for me was when a group
of us had to hold hands and run a mile, up and down some steep hills
(I’m still convinced that it was longer than a mile).
That
activity was tumultuous for me because my incapabilities didn’t just
hold me back, everyone else in the group could only go as fast as me.
I hated every single minute of it. I felt so weak and was the weakest
link. Who likes to feel that way? My teammates encouraged me the
entire time, and wouldn’t leave me and kept pushing me…I would have
never done it without them. After my group, they shortened the run
for the others, I know it was no accident that we had to go the
furtherest, God was teaching me some important lessons…and I’m sure
He was teaching all the others some too.
Fast
forward some, and the week after training camp was very difficult for
me….I was in such a funk, or as my friend Justin pointed out,
depression. I was so exhausted after 10 days of training all I could
think was ‘if this wore me out this badly how can I do a missions
trip for 11 months?’ It will be so much more trying out there,
dealing with spiritual warfare, poverty, sickness and even death. I
couldn’t see how I could face that, and to be honest I was battling
out whether I even wanted to try.
Church
lifted my spirits some, as it was talking about rebounding from
failure and not letting fear of failure scare you from stepping out
and trying what God has called you to do. However the thing that
really shook me to the core was reading this blog, Kingdom Issue:
Human Trafficking by Matthew Snyder. It called out some real issues
in my life. It’s like those commercials on TV asking you to give to
feed the starving children in Africa and everybody switches the
channel because, well, because if we ignore it we have to no social
responsibility for it. Did I want this kind of social responsibility?
After
reading that I knew I needed to get out and think, pray and process.
(I’m totally a go out in nature to feel close to God person.) I left
my house and I headed toward this trail I’ve never been on. I
started to run because I felt like that was the best way to express
the turmoil going on in my soul. I kept going further back in the
woods and by the time I came to this embankment that led down the the
Nisqually River, my backpack and I were soaking wet from the rain. I
proceeded to climb down this long, muddy, steep embankment. After a
ways I found a rock to sit and think and pray. I poured out my heart,
my doubts, insecurities and wondering if I really do want to ruin my
life by doing this trip.
I
proceeded back up the embankment and instead of turning to go home, I
decided to keep heading along another trail, walking and running as I
felt for a long time. I climbed up and down other steep hills and
ended up running along these railroad tracks. By the time I got back
I had been gone for 2 hours, I wasn’t even tired or exhausted or worn
out.
I
found that to be most incredible! I have never chosen on my own
accord to run or climb so much in my life, and I wasn’t tired. I
realized, it was God showing me that Isaiah 40 is true, He is the
strength giver. I can trust and rely on His strength for the next
year. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to be ruined, but I’m more
willing now that I know I can rely on His strength to get me through.
I
plan on repeating this physical experience frequently to help me
prepare for when I leave in 2 months. God, He really is big enough!
