Ha, Ha! Now you’re reading my blog. 🙂
I’ve been reading through the gospel of Matthew lately, and some things have stood out to me. They stand out in relation to some events I experienced in Haiti and really revealed my attitude to me.
While in Haiti, some of my laundry went missing. Actually a clothesline full went missing. It wasn’t my entire wardrobe, but enough. A pair or two of undies, 2 shirts, 1 pair of shorts, a skirt, and 1 newly acquired, and dearly loved pajama top. This is the first time I’ve really lost anything on the Race, or had something (I suspect) taken. Either way, it’s gone, and angry I was. Also, I was really tempted to let my frustrations control my attitude.
Before leaving for the Race, I knew that theft and loss were potentially a part of this experience. That’s life no matter where you live or work, there’s never a guarantee. But to happen to me? Nah! I really thought I’d be exempt from those experiences, but didn’t realize I thought that until it actually happened.
In the following days I ran the course of emotions which included; hope that my belongings would be found, to resignation and apathy that they would not, to anger that someone might have stolen. As I surfed these waves of emotion it came to me how manipulated I was by this circumstance and it was controlling my attitude. Not just my attitude about having laundry go MIA (clothes are precious few to begin with), but my attitude about everything. I was pouting! I didn’t want to interact with my teammates, I gave them a bit of the silent treatment and all I wanted to talk about were my missing clothes and what could have happened to them. Wallow, I wanted to wallow. How fun for my team right?
That wasn’t fair to my teammates, they didn’t take my clothes, and they aren’t responsible for that situation. Yet here I am acting like a child (mostly in my heart cause they said they didn’t notice) and punishing them. Not only that, but I wasn’t enjoying the day at all. It was eating me up and that’s all I could think about.
That laundry experience helped me realize that feelings are a choice. To let an unfortunate situation determine what kind of day I will have is no choice. So I chose to let go. And I had to choose that several times in the day, for a few days. We have these choices every day of our lives. So the adventure and challenge is what will I chose in the next circumstance? What will you chose?
I think it’s normal to spread our emotions. We naturally connect with others through shared feelings and experiences, and circumstances typically determine what we share. The problem is that my circumstances change all the time, sometimes for good, sometimes for worse. The only thing that doesn’t change is God and the message of the gospel. That’s what I want to spill over from my life onto other people, not reactions to my circumstances. Goodness, love, self-sacrifice, encouragement, comfort, things that come from Him; not attitudes of anger and victim-hood.
