I stared at the dark hole with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. We had already moved into a smaller cavern and I had to squat down or I would hit my head on the ceiling. Now I watched as everyone got on their belly to crawl through a dark hole in the rock into another cavern. I don’t like dark crammed places and the idea of getting stuck in a dark hole while trying to scoot through it is the stuff of my nightmares!
On the World Race, there are so many opportunities to do things you have never done before. Ride elephants in Thailand, explore the Forbidden City in China, or crawl through caves in Malaysia. Lately, I have been trying to make a habit of doing things that scare me. I do not want to miss out of one second of life’s adventure because of fear.
So there I am in a deep, dark cave in the mountains of Malaysia seriously contemplating whether or not I want to crawl through a scary hole in the rock. I remembered this pact I had made with myself and because I was so scared I knew I had to do it. So when my turn came, I scooted closer to the hole, got down on my belly and started to scoot my way through. There was a moment when I could barely move and I could not yet stick my head out the other end of the hole when I thought about panicking, but I just decided to scoot faster. What felt like forever was, in reality, only 30 seconds of scooting to get myself to the other side of the hole into another cavern.
I felt a feeling of exhilaration at having faced my fear of small spaces by crawling though that hole. I was rewarded with a view of the outside since the cavern we entered led outside to the other side of the mountain. But then, surprise, I had to crawl back through the same hole to get back to the bigger cavern. This time it was recommended to me to scoot down on my back, which was almost worse since now I could clearly see how small the hole was. Not to mention I discovered this hole was also a highway for the many bats that lived in this cave. One flew through the hole shortly before I climbed through, this was motivation enough for me to scoot quite fast through this hole. Once through the hole again, I was glad to be done with that small space, but so happy I had done it. When you face any sort of fear, large or small, it is always worth it.
If you have ever been on a tour in a dark cave, you might have experienced when the guide asks everyone to turn out their lights to experience the absolute darkness in the caves. I explored two different caves in Malaysia where this was done each time and it was the most interesting and frightening experience. There is nothing like standing in such thick darkness that it feels like a weight pressing in around you and you literally cannot see your hand in front of your face.
Fear is like that darkness in a cave. It is heavy and debilitating. You feel like you cannot move or else you will be lost. And all you want in the world is for the light to be turned back on so you can let out the breath you have been holding in. Fear is ugly and dark and sticky and it can keep you from experiencing life to the fullest. Fear is messy and always seems to creep into my life. Just because I chose to travel the world does not mean I am immune to fear, but I also have courage that comes with knowing I am in the center of God’s will. And that courage is what helps me to face my fears as often as possible. So whenever I am faced with a situation where I do not want to do something because I am afraid, I always do it. And I am always rewarded with the satisfaction of knowing that fear holds no power over my life.
