“Who am I?”
The commonly philosophized statement got a fresh new look a few years ago thanks to Zoolander but the answer still seems to allude many.
As David Benner wisely explains in “The Gift of Being Yourself”, so many people define themselves based on the value they place in what they have, what they can do, and what others think of them.
If someone asked me who I was I would start to ramble off my name and place of residence which would be quickly followed by my career and possibly my academic success or family name if such was fitting for the situation. This seems to be the common response for most people but is this really who you are?
Are you really just the sum of your name, house, and career or schooling?
Is this truly who you are?
Is this all you were meant to be?
I don’t believe so.I believe God has a much bigger plan for you than defining yourself based on your highest level of education or your membership to the popular crowd.
You are not loved and chosen because you belong to an elite organization.
You are not worthy because you can buy someone’s affections, with money or with your body.
You are not beautiful because you put on make-up.
It is hard to define ourselves without referencing our possessions, accomplishments, affiliations, or status but we are called to more than these things. They do not define who you are. You are not the sum value of the things you have, the skills you possess, or the appreciation of others.
You are more.
Now I have never cared much for name brand things or designer jeans so at first glance I brushed aside Dr. Benner’s phrase about defining myself “based on the value I place in what I have”. I thought “I’m not materialistic, I don’t care what type of this or what type of that I have. I don’t place my value in the car I drive or in the phone I have. I don’t get up at 5am to get the latest X-Box 5,920.”
But while I didn’t find my value in physical wealth or in the possessions I had, I did find myself defining and re-defining myself based on the love I received from others. I felt worthy of love because I was loved growing up but the reality is that I am worthy of love regardless of whether others show me love or not. I found myself questioning my lovability when boys would come in and out of my life, professing their love and months later wanting nothing to do with me.
I started to wonder, am I worthy of love?
My value was based on expressions of love.
I believed the lie that my worth depended on what I had, or didn’t have.
For far too many years I defined myself based on what I could do. I found my identity in striving for perfection. I worked hard to be the best in my class; to impress with intellect. I sought to always have it put together. I wanted to be known as the one people could depend on; the one who would always know what to do; the one who did everything efficiently and effectively, the first time. Of course I always presented myself in the best light, heaven forbid someone see my imperfections. I started to feel entitled to good grades or forms of recognition. I mean, I earned it didn’t I?
No matter how hard I refuted this statement, I found my identity in accomplishments and success.
I strived for acceptance based on what I could do.
I believed the lie that I had to be perfect to be lovable.
From a very young age I experienced rejection for who I was. I was never cool enough, never knowledgable enough on “popular” topics, never accepted for who I was. This lead to the core of all the lies that made up my skewed Identity. I started to believe I had to be someone else to be accepted, that I was not enough.
I started to conform to the way others acted around me. I wouldn’t change my morals or actions on a grand scale but just enough to fit in. Just enough to be accepted. I started to lie so others would only see the best me. I didn’t want them to know I was being selfish or inconsiderate. I was the one who always loved and therefore deserved love.
I defined myself based on other’s acceptance or rejection.
I was lovable or unlovable based on their reaction to me.
I believed the lie that other’s defined my worth.
Amongst the web of lies my true Identity was tangled and beaten. So many years I buried it under the entitlement, accomplishments, perfectionism, pride, deceit, opinion of others, conformity, and need for acceptance which I thought made me who I was. But I have climbed free of the sticky web; I have shed the lies I thought defined me and can now say:
I am chosen..
I am loved..
I am a daughter of the King..
I am beautiful..
I am worthy..
I am enough..
I am all..
I am free..
I am clean..
I am new..
I am ACCEPTED..
Because God says I am and that is what should define me; not the lies the world tries to tell me.
Try it out – look at your life. Take some time to reflect on your Identity. Is it rooted in this world or is it rooted in the unconditional love and acceptance of your heavenly Father?
What has a hold over you?
What defines your worth or your value?
Do you worry what others think of you?
Are you constantly striving for the best or the latest?
Do you feel you have to be perfect to be loved?
What makes you feel exposed and vulnerable?
What makes you get defensive?
What annoys you in someone else?
What do you try to hid?
What is defining your value?
“The foundation of our identity resides in our life-giving relationship with the Source of life. Any identity that exists apart from this relationship is an illusion.” (The Gift of Being Yourself, David Benner)
Cardbard testimonies 1 from andrea lance on Vimeo.
