So I filled out my application months ago. It was complete.
I didn’t really know what to do about it. I literally had it sitting,
completely finished, and waiting to be submitted. But I had not fully submitted
to the will of my Heavenly Father. But as I sit here surrounded by so many of
my belongings wondering exactly how much I will be able to get for them at a
garage sale, the feeling has finally sunk in. After a long and rough time of me
arguing with God. After many sleepless nights spent devouring every word of
every blog I could find. After friends encouraging me. After discouraging
moments of realizing how much this will cost me. I submitted. I submit to God’s
will and not my own. I clicked submit on my application to the WR. So now as
Michael Gungor sweetly sings me a lullaby, I realize I will no longer be the
same. I am no longer the same. I am God’s precious girl who has been radically
changed to move for something far bigger than myself. I am who he has created
me to be. I am me. I know that I cannot do this alone, and I am so glad that I
am not okay with a calm, complacent life here anymore.
A few months ago, during one of the sermons at my church, my
pastor was looking at the correlation between a verse in Mark and a verse in
Jeremiah. I couldn’t even tell you what he was talking about because the moment
I flipped to Jeremiah the verse at the very top of the page stuck me and it
hurt. You see in the past months I have been going back and forth between going
on the World Race or becoming a missionary full time in Romania. I have been to Romania twice
and fell in love with orphans there. I worked in four orphanages where the
children stole my heart and are currently holding it hostage. I loved
everything about it there and at the time that I fell across this verse I was
leaning towards full time in Romania.
But then this verse happened… Jeremiah 49:11
“Leave your orphans; I will protect their lives.
Your widows too can trust in me.”
OUCH! WHAT?! How do I handle that… So I tried to just ignore
it. But I happen to have something written on the same page in my Bible that is
unmistakable so every time I flip through, it catches my eye. I literally
almost fell down in tears as I spent hour after hour arguing with God about this. How
could this be?? How could he give me this passion for these Romanian children…
yet tell me to leave them to Him?? Why would he tell me not to go back yet? Why
should I listen? Then I heard His still small voice.
I need to learn how to trust him as my provider for
everything.
Wow. So.. here I am… bound for 11 countries.
I am sure my heart will continue to be ripped apart for the
glory of God in these countries
Guatemala
Honduras
El Salvador
Ukraine
Romania
Tanzania
Kenya
Uganda
Thailand
Cambodia
Malaysia
Stay tuned for how God shows up in my life over the next year and a half.
