turn on the song and listen while you read [thanks Helena for the idea ;)]
So I have this dear friend.
we spent what seems like 845392048 [give or take a few] hours in the car together on the way to training camp. We shared life stories. We talked like it was our job. We only listened to about two songs on the way down and maybe one cd on the way back up. On the way to Georgia we talked about how it almost felt like God was dragging her kicking and screaming to training camp. At the time I really didn’t understand how to relate to that feeling. I was so pumped. *hold that thought*
The past few weeks I have been really discouraged. I have been disconnected almost from what has been going on in my squad. Not just me, but others as well. It was like training camp was a dream. It was like I forgot the second I walked back into my parent’s house. I’m not going to lie, I have been super apathetic. It seemed like launch was forever away.
It was.
Wasn’t it?
Isn’t it?
In Hosea 14:9 it says this:
Who is wise? He will realize these things.
Who is discerning? He will understand them.
The ways of the LORD are right;
the righteous walk in them,
but the rebellious stumble in them.
Who is discerning? He will understand them.
The ways of the LORD are right;
the righteous walk in them,
but the rebellious stumble in them.
In my opinion, most people I know [Christians and non-Christians alike] would read that and immediately identify themselves with the righteous person. They would say “yes these[God’s] ways are right, I am going to do my best to walk like that. As long as I don’t look at the last line, I am just fine. See this makes me righteous, if I am trying. I might even be able to boast a little bit [not conceited, honestly?].” Fewer people that I know would immediately identify with the last line. Today when I read this verse- even though it is underlined and highlighted in my Bible- there was a new spin on it. I saw the perspective of the last line.
These past few weeks
I have literally been stumbling around.
Looking for the right things,
but not quite finding them, or
figuring out how to get to them, or
[if i’m really honest] not really even trying to stop stumbling
long enough to find the right path.
I let what happened at camp, stay at camp.
smooth move bro.
I fell back into routine.
smooth move bro.
I decided what I wanted to do. Or not do.
smooth move bro.
I allowed the process to negatively affect my progress.
smooth move bro.
I let the fire in my heart cool down to just some ashes.
awesome move!
The best thing about those ashes. They are still warm. Those ashes can be coaxed back into a roaring fire. Blazing. Furnace. I’m talking like a fire built by the awesome men of D squad almost every night in Georgia. They can be brought back to life. They just needed a push in the right direction.
*back to that thought from above* I finally know what my dear friend felt like. I feel like God [and about 39 of my soon to be best friends] are gonna drag me kicking and screaming to Florida for launch. I have had so many doubts in the past few weeks it is ridiculous.
My dear friend is also a super awesome soccer player. She knows how to get things done. She knows how to move people to action. She knows what to say to get you the right amount of encouragement mixed with the right amount of motivation. She can say it in the most loving yet “you need to do this right now” type of voice. I appreciate her so much.
Reading over my journal from training camp, one of the things that was kind of a theme was that
where I walk,
my steps have POWER.
my words have POWER.
my prayers have POWER.
my joy has POWER.
my footsteps carry STRENGTH.
I have authority because of the Name I come in.
whoops. I guess I forgot. which is why I have people like this friend to remind me. She said something to me today, that she says is something Joyce Meyer says a lot:
“You can either be pathetic or power. You can’t be both.”
The last few weeks I have been pathetic.
But guess what?
I’m back.
I am on fire for this. I’m not giving up. I might still be torn, but I am still so passionate about this that the torn pieces will be repaired in time. I have some prayers to pray. Some declarations to make. And some fundraisers to plan. It’s time for a little less talk and a lot more action.
I am so glad He never gives up on me when I stumble.
[Shoutout to Missy: your words tonight carried so much more meaning than you know. Love you, sister!]
much love,
-A
