i am entitled.
my status as an american entitles me
to ridiculous amounts of attention.
this status entitles me to buy things cheaper,
barter the prices lower, and pay next to
nothing for beautiful things.
it entitles me to walk across the street
and have cars wait for me.
it entitles me to speak louder and slower in the
minimal spanish that i know.
i am entitled to unlimited wifi
whenever, wherever i want it.
i am entitled to people listening when i speak
because i always have something to say.
i am entitled to being loud in public
that is just the way americans are, everyone knows.
my status as a woman entitles me
to have doors opened for me.
it entitles me to be flirtatious.
i am entitled to a daily hot shower
with as many hair products, as much makeup
and lotion, body spray, and deodorant as i want.
as a woman i am entitled to always be
the “damsel in distress”.
i am entitled to whine and complain
when things don’t go my way.
i am entitled to friends that backstab me
and talk about me behind my back,
that is just what women do, everyone knows.
or not.
we often see the world through this screen.
the screen that we are always entitled to
whatever our particular need is, the instant we are in need.
we think that we are entitled to these things
because that is how we grew up.
in our culture if we need to just “run to the store”
for some groceries, we have a card we can swipe.
we get in, get what we need, swipe our card
without a second thought and get out.
i am learning more and more that i am not entitled to
anything.
i am not entitled to anything.
i am not entitled.
i am living in a community where
my entitlements and my needs are separate.
in our american culture we blend the two.
trying to live outside of that is hard.
some days it sucks.
why should i have to enjoy stumbling
down a cobblestone street?
why should we fit 15 more people
into an already full bus?
why wouldn’t there be free wifi
everywhere we go?
i am not entitled to these things.
i just want them.
what God has been showing me is that
i am not entitled to anything, but
he gives me things freely, because
he.
loves.
me.
my status as an american entitles me to nothing.
my status as a woman entitles me to nothing.
but the grace. mercy. love. kindness. gentleness. patience.
of the Lord is beautiful. and he loves to pour it out.
i am not entitled to it, but he gives it anyways.
when i remember that i don’t need to be
entitled to His love, it blows me away.
even though i am not entitled
he loves me anyway.
much love,
A
