This is the second blog in a three part series. If you haven’t already, be sure to read the first part here: World Racer Uprooted: Part 1
People said this year would change me.
(I didn’t really believe them.)
I didn’t know I needed to change so much. I didn’t think I was any sort of messed up head case or anything like that before I left. I still don’t think that, but the change I see in myself is quite drastic. Just living life like this has taught me so much. So many situations and circumstances force you to look internally and see what is in you that causes you to react the way you do. Like, if the team is having major conflict issues, how do I respond and most importantly, why?
I’ve seen some things in me that I wasn’t prepared to see. Maybe, more like, I never wanted to see. There are things that we all say, “uh-uh, not going there!” and we never deal with them. Even issues we thought were dealt with already that still hold a root in our lives.
Somewhere along the road I learned that if the root is not pulled up the weed is going to grow back again. (Thank you mom for all the weeding lessons in the garden at home!) She would tell me that just pulling up the green part wasn’t enough, you had to get below the surface to get the whole thing out. Shake off the dirt and make sure you get the whole root. If you leave the root buried when you’re done weeding it just ‘looks’ nice, but under the surface there are little weeds just waiting to grow back again.
Even things that look dealt with and things you’ve ripped out of your life may still have a root wedged into your heart that lurks below the surface. I think this is what I’ve realized about some issues in my life recently. I thought I had a handle on these things. I wasn’t that person anymore. I was trying not to go there. I was doing my best to do my best, if that makes any sense. I didn’t know that the friction in our team was going to make me react that way. I didn’t plan that. I didn’t will it to be there, nor did I want it to be there. But there was a root in my heart.
Bitterness.
Unforgiveness.
Control.
Manipulation.
Gossip.
Slander.
Anger.
Hurt.
Oooo…an ugly cycle that easily spins out of control if not taken care of properly. I know all too well what a garden looks like if you leave it alone and never weed it. (sorry mom for all those times I just wouldn’t go out there and pull those dang things!) Truth is, I hated pulling weeds out of the garden when I was young and things haven’t changed much—I hate pulling the weeds out of my heart as an adult. It’s not easy or fun to dig deep (which mom assured was the best and only way to do it). It hurts. I don’t want to go there. Can’t I just leave it alone? Leave it for another day? Or at least not dig so deep and pull only the tops off—it’s much quicker and easier?? Please? Please!?!?
All the whining in the world wouldn’t stop my mom from making me pull weeds. Maybe the whining would get me off the hook for a few days, but when I was eventually forced to go out to the dreaded plot, it would be overgrown. Massive weeds to dig up plagued me and of course, it was much harder work and took twice as long to do. (Moms always know stuff like this don’t they?) Her words rang in my ears about how they would just get bigger if I waited longer. Why didn’t I listen then?
The same is true about the roots in our lives if we don’t take the time to uncover them.
The final blog in this series is here: World Racer Uprooted: Part 3
