Over the course of our five months together as a community there have been some major lessons God’s taught me. I’ll give you a glimpse into a few journal entries along the way and share how God’s spoken to me in these different seasons. Enjoy the journey! …it’s been quite a ride…and we’re only at the half-way point!
to be in the position I’m in. Thanks Jesus.
9-17-08
Me: What are you calling me to here Lord?
God: …to love others above yourself.
Me: How do I do that Lord? I feel so incapable and so selfish these days. Will you help me to not focus so much on my own needs? I need to see beyond me. I’m feeling a twinge narcissistic. I want to embody love-to truly shower others with your love. Teach me this Lord. Thank you for loving me so that I can love others. Because you first loved me right?
We loved because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
1 John 4: 19-21
10-11-08
…A little bit of journaling time and unfortunately I still have to share space with the clickity clacking of the computer…(sigh)…community… (back up to lesson #2…oops)
Lord, I need some help. I feel a bit like I’m dying here. Like I am stuck under water and can’t breathe. I need to hear your voice. Will you help me sort through the mess?
You are surely refining me in the midst of living in this house and through ComLife. God, what do you want to show me here? I want to live with a posture to grow and change, but I feel like I really haven’t been all that receptive to changing MY mind. I want others to somehow change and begin to ‘get excited’ for and get behind my vision for ComLife. We all have our expectations and feel like everyone else just needs to get on board with it.
I need to repent for making judgments and placing unreal expectations on others. This is not my place and it is poor leadership. God, I need your help to be a quality leader. Would you teach me and give me what it takes 
to lead effectively? I don’t want to just check out, but feel so close to that edge sometimes. I know I can’t live without vision. Will you give me wisdom and grace in this Lord? I so desperately need it.
Lesson #3: Our expectations need to die. We get to a place of judgment because of the expectations we place on ourselves and others. If we had no expectations, I think we’d jump to fewer conclusions about our brothers and sisters and walk more in love, which is the point right?
12-15-08
It’s so un-fun these days it seems. Jess and I were just talking the other day about our desire as Christians for everything to be exciting and our need to be great in the kingdom, but what does that actually look like? Probably we’ll find that the un-fun/obscure people and positions will be the most exulted in heaven. I don’t want my reward on earth…but really I do. I want it now. I want to see the fruit of what I pour myself into. And I do…there is fruit here…but sometimes it just doesn’t seem so significant-like all the work I put in isn’t really going to produce a harvest of righteousness, like my mundane tasks don’t even get recognized. I’m not exulted and it’s hard to persevere when things don’t seem so awesome. God teach me to not be so self-seeking. Teach me about your kingdom and how it works…not how I think it works. YOUR ways. Not mine. Lead me. Help me to be led so that I can lead.
Lesson #4: Greatness isn’t measured in WHAT I’m doing…but in what I’m allowing God to do in me. It’s the principle of ‘less of me and more of him.’ He needs to direct me so that I can follow and he needs to be at the center of our community or we’re going nowhere.
Lord, I thank you for rooting out selfishness in me and allowing my expectations to die so that you can form greatness within me and within this community. You are so good!
