So this should be fun! I´m just gonna start typing about things, whatever pops in my mind, no real flow or expansion. No proofreading, just the ramblings of my present state of mind…. Saddle up!
Hah! That silly song…”Saddle up your horses!!” It rings through my head at least once a day–it´s become our team joke and someone HAS to wedge it into conversation…either that or poop…oh the things we talk about over dinner…haha. I love my team. REVONESSA!
Our team is just learning how to really function, how to communicate. When we´re not in step with each other, it eats me up inside. I seem to be the “burden barrer” on our team and it´s a weird place to be. We´re realizing how open we really need to be with one another. The surfacy stuff just isn´t gonna cut it out here. You get your butts kicked out there and if you don´t have your brothers and sisters to debrief with you, pray over you, speak life over you, build up and encourage you…you pretty much just slowly die. It´s not pretty. We´ve gotten to a place where we´ve realized that we need to consciously decide to love, to spend time, to dive in, to really be a part of the other people´s lives. not always easy, but it´s so worth it. so so so worth it.
Ah, Rita Springer…love that song. “It´s gonna be worth it! It´s gonna be worth it all. I believe it!” How often do I forget how worth it it really is. Do I loose that belief? Do I doubt it? How many times do I have to run back to the truth I know and the promises the Lord speaks? So often I have to CHOOSE to sing, to rejoice–to put that garment of praise back on. 90% of your attitude is choice. hmm…
…ministry…Nicaragua has been hard for me. Going to the barrios drains you in about two hours. I feel like I need to sleep for about 14 hours a night here, it´s weird. I love having kids I know run up to me for hugs. Their humungous smiles are infectuous…you pretty much can´t help being joyful. Sometimes kids are hard for me. Sometimes I just want to not try so hard. Loving isn´t always the easiest thing. But what reward do I have for turning my head? The days I decide to love, to push in, to really give of myself are the days I feel most fulfilled. Yes, they are also the times where I´m most tired, but there´s a difference between good tired and frustrated/exhausted tired. I think you know what I mean. “…the empty, unspoken silences are broken….and I know you know what I mean.” oh the songs are just flowing tonight!
I miss Cairo. I miss my girls. I miss my little family there. I think in my head–I miss how easy it was there compared to here with all this new….but then I think–wait one minute…did I just say easy and Cairo in the same sentence? not possible. Community is hard everwhere. Following the will of God in your life isn´t always a walk in the park. Everyday though, I can say I´m thankful for what he´s doing in me. I know that I am learning. I see the inquisition and the struggle within myself, let alone in those around me. This is quite the trip I tell ya…quite the trip.
Every day learning. Every day growing. Every day loving. Every day looking just a bit more like Jesus. Every day. There is no off button on this trip and honestly, I wouldn´t want the adventure to stop.
