Do you ever have days
where you just want to quit everything?
I had one of those recently.
I actually told my roommate that I wanted to quit life. I know…a little overdramatic, but would
you expect anything less from me? 🙂
I’ve just been feeling a
little stuck in more areas than one lately. It’s like I’ve hit a plateau in certain situations and just
can’t seem to gain ground. I’ll
give you a few examples:
Job hunt: It’s the middle of July and I still
haven’t secured a summer job yet.
I’ve applied at tons of places around town, even to places that aren’t
hiring and haven’t heard a peep back from anyone. I’ve had 2 job interviews from places that basically offer
me a job in the interview, and then they don’t call back. I feel like I’m getting nowhere.
Shiloh Designs: This is the new business
I’ve started selling some of my crafty items that I hand make. I’ve started spinning my own wool from
the sheep and goats and am doing custom made hats, scarves, mittens, hair
accessories, and creating jewelry and all kinds of other fun stuff. I’ve put myself out there a bit, with a
little bit of good feedback, but have not even gotten to a place where I’m in
the profit margin yet. I’m just
starting an Etsy.com website to sell my designs online…but there’s a bit of
fear within me that things will just sit there and not be sold. Not the most optimistic viewpoint…but I’m
being honest here.
AIM Support Status: If I
continue to be really honest, this has been one of my biggest areas of struggle
lately. I find myself in about an
$800 deficit in my support account with AIM. I’m continuing to work from home doing World Race Admissions
(which I LOVE!), but not meeting my support goals has been super
discouraging. Now, here’s the part
where I’ll continue to be real.
This is my own fault. I
haven’t been focusing my efforts on support raising. I just don’t want to.
If there’s anything I want to quit, it would have to be support
raising. There’s nothing in me
that likes to talk to people about making a decision to support me
monthly. I’ve avoided it and it’s
gotten me in a hole. The only
thing you can do when you’re in a hole is climb out right? Haven’t I heard that somewhere before?
And this is why I can’t
quit. I wasn’t made to live in a
hole. I wasn’t born to plateau for
the rest of my life. I’m not one
to give into the fear of the unknown…even in endeavors that seem daunting or
things that I have to put myself out there for. This is a season that I must press through to receive a
breakthrough because I believe and trust that God has promised it and won’t
leave me hanging or sitting at the bottom of a hole. He wants me to succeed and he’s designed me to be able to
work with him. So I’m choosing to
do my part. Even though it’s icky
and I hate it all right now.
(Is that ok? I feel like such a crappy missionary
admitting this stuff on my oh so public blog. Hello, my name is Amanda Dums and I hate support
raising! There. I said it.)
Just yesterday I was
chatting with my roommates over dinner about what motivates people and realized
that I am motivated by connection.
I value relationships with people and I always want to steward them
well. I don’t want to come across
as a beggar or put people at an inconvenience or awkward obligation to me. I think that’s why I enjoy writing
newsletters. I can tell people
about my situation without really directly asking. I think my inward hope is that since I came part of the way
by writing the letter, people would come the other half of the way and meet me
there. But this really isn’t fair
of me. I’m creating unrealistic
expectations for people and that’s not valuing them. (gosh, I’m learning a lot!) I really am sorry if any of you have felt under-valued or
not stewarded well by me.
I still find myself about
$450/month short of my goal and have 3 months to raise this amount before I
loose my paycheck with AIM. I’m
not driven by goals though, I’m driven by connections. I actually signed up for
a support raising class online through AIM that will give me tools to be
effective in connecting with people and growing my support team. I’m really looking forward to it
actually-I think I really need some new tools and help getting moving again.
This next season for me is
going to be focused on moving ahead…climbing out of holes…establishing a
precedent…gaining profit in my business…connecting on a deeper level in all
areas of my life. I’m not going to
quit.
In fact, I’ve put aside
some time this week to post my stuff on Etsy.com and I’m booked for a booth at
the local farmer’s market next Tuesday.
I’m hopeful and feeling confident about that. I know God’s going to
provide enough for me to live on and to pay for my 2nd year of
Bethel School of Ministry. He’s
called me here for a reason and I won’t give up this easily. I will have my tuition on the first day
of school. My business will be
successful and a blessing to others.
I will put my heart into support raising. I will partner with God and do my part.
Hope really is good
medicine. A favorite quote from
our pastor Bill Johnson here in Redding:
“Discouragement is just a waste of time.” Amen. No more
wasted time, I’m filling my days with hope! Have your days been filled with hope lately? I’d love to hear about it!
*pictures are from my little booth last week. Enjoy! If you like anything you see, let me know and it can be yours! 🙂
