I’m really bad at writing personal blogs, the ones that dive
into my heart and leave me so exposed.
This blog, is not like the rest.
This past month has been really hard for me, one of the
hardest of my life in a kind of hidden, unexpected way.
Toward the end of July I found out from Hospitals of Hope
the last piece of information I needed to obtain to get this Bolivia mission
kicked into full gear. The amount
I need to raise. I was so
excited. I felt like things were
finally moving forward.
The crappy thing was that, at the very same time my arch
enemy found out my joyous news as well, and he hated it. Vowing to make my life, and my road to
Bolivia as difficult as possible.
I didn’t really realize his plan at first. I mean, we don’t hang out in the same
circles.
Slowly fear and doubt began to overwhelm me and soon my motivation became non-existent.
My enemy whispered “you’ll never be able to raise the
money,” and for the first time I doubted.
He whispered “you aren’t really called to Bolivia. It’s not what God want’s, it’s what you
want,” and for the first time I wondered.
He whispered “The middle of September is coming up
fast. You’ll never be able to
leave,” and for the first time I feared.
And then came the distractions.
I’ve had nearly a month now to fundraise, but instead of
sitting down and getting to it, I allowed my enemy to put distractions in my
way. Convincing myself that I’ll
watch some TV now, or go on the internet for just a bit and then I’ll get to my
letters later. All along my enemy
knew I’d never get to them. He
sabotaged me and moreover, I let him.
I willingly let every distraction in. Now here I sit, with one support letter written, and none mailed.
I begin to despair.
The whispers of my enemy are starting again.
But this time I’m ready.
I plug my ears, but then there’s something else. A sweet voice, progressively drowning
my enemy…and he’s calling my name.
He calls “Amanda, cast your cares on me. Don’t worry about money, have I not
provided for you already” and my doubts were erased.
He called “I gave you a heart for Bolivia for a
reason. I would not send you
somewhere you don’t love. You are
going to do great and beautiful things there. Trust your call,” and again I believed.
He called “I once raised all you needed in 10 days. Your “date” is 30 days away, much more
time than I need. Don’t loose
faith Amanda. You will make it,”
and I cried because it was exactly what I needed to hear.
I spent the last month in hand to hand combat with my
enemy, but I forgot to put my armor on.
If I’d done that one simple task, this battle would have been over
before it even began.
My enemy may continue on the tempt, hurt and confuse another
day, but this is a battle he has lost and will continue to loose. My armor is on, and I’m not going to be forgetting again any time soon, but even more than that, I’m finally asking for help. I
know this is a battle that I cannot win on my own.
Daddy, will you shield me from attacks by my enemy? I’m not strong enough to do it on my
own. Will you reassure me of your
plans for me, blocking the doubts from creeping in? Will you provide for me even when my faith is small? Daddy, your love is the greatest I will
ever know. You are all I
need. You are all I need.
And with that I press on, trusting in the words my heavenly
father told me and knowing that with each step I take forward in faith, things
for Bolivia will fall into place.
I am royalty. I
have destiny. I was born for such
a time as this.
