My first month on the Race taught me so much. I feel as though my view on God and His timing completely changed, but little did I know, that was just the tip of the iceberg.
After our first month, our squad reunited in Honduras for debrief. It is a time to refuel emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It was here that I discovered something I've held on to for a long time.
Walls.
A fortress, tall and impenetrable. This is what I have built around myself, creating a line between myself and others, myself and God. Whenever I would close my eyes I would see if. A tower standing tall and strong. I had no clue how to get around it or over it. The wall has nothing to do with liking or not liking someone, or being worried about what I think.
It's an issue of worthiness.
I have lost my identity in the things of this world. Achievements, possessions, relationships. I look to others to tell me who I am, but this will never be enough. Therefore, I see myself as unworthy. Unworthy to be a part of the Race, unworthy of relationships, unworthy to approach God as a much loved daughter.
But God says something different.
As I was struggling with this realization at debrief, I made a list of who God says I am. Here it is:
• I am a daughter of God
• I am fearfully and wonderfully made
• I am beloved
• I am made in His image
• I am beautiful
• I am treasured
• I have the power of God inside me
• I am made for adventure
• I have purpose
• I have joy
• I am redeemed
• I am enough
• I am a warrior
• I am inheriting the kingdom
• I am graceful
• I am a piece of God's plan
• I am God's masterpiece
I stood up and shared this with my squad during debrief. Our squad mentor, Jeremy, had me stand on a chair and shout these truths about myself. As I finished, the squad cheered and applauded and as I heard it, I saw the walls come down.
Last month in Honduras, I was given the opportunity to speak on the local radio station. The audience is over 250,000 listeners. I shared my testimony and finished by reading my list. It was such a powerful moment and I felt my identity was strengthened even more through this boldness.
What's incredible about my list, a list of who God says I am, is that it's true for everyone. When He looks at you, he sees you as a son or daughter, with a purpose, as a masterpiece.
We are all worthy.
