People keep asking if I’m ready, if I’m excited, if I’m nervous about anything. It’s extremely difficult to answer such a loaded question for a person who has no idea what I’m about to dive into. Goodness, I don’t even know what I’m about to dive into. My response has mostly been a blank stare, a “yes to all of the above” and then some rambling. I’m sorry about that. I have 8 days until I leave everything familiar for eleven months. It’s sinking in.
I am a person who feels deeply. Some of us just are. Maybe you get me. An effortless compliment and my day is made. A harsh tone and I instantly feel rejected. I’m also a person who’s a little all over the place in my mind. So giving these intense feelings “words” is hard. And time-consuming. Words are a chore. But they are important. And I know that. That’s why I’m practicing.
Thankfully, I’m not on this adventure alone. I have a Heavenly Daddy who is carrying me through all of it. Words are less important for Him, because He already gets it. He already feels every pang of doubt in me and the blood rushing through my veins when I think about the glorious trip He is taking me on. He whispers “do not be afraid” over and over again and sings melodies over me while I just sit and be in His presence. Hmm.
I have a squad who is feeling all the feels with me. A community to experience the darkest valleys and the highest, most breathtaking mountains (on this side of heaven) with. Brothers and sisters who will stretch me and challenge me, while I hope to do the same for them. Friends who will rejoice and cheer each other on when there is growth and keep encouraging each other when there isn’t. A family to practice using words with.
I’m pretty sure this is going to be the craziest year of my life. I am more pumped for this adventure than I ever have been about anything (which is yet an understatement). And slightly nervous (though I hate to admit it). This is a Kingdom dream come true. I promise to be vulnerable and raw. I promise to be real when I share about the daily challenges and little victories. All of it. A journal of sorts. And in the process, I’ll be working on my words (among many other things) because they are important. Thanks for being part of this journey.
CLICK HERE to listen to a song I recently wrote about all of this.
Wave after wave
I wish these thoughts
Would dissipate
Be still my heart
Green and blues
Your eyes they take me
To the shore
I got a lot to say
I can’t find words
Its always been a chore
I know that its unfair
But I can’t shake this feeling
Do you feel me?
I know you hear my cry O God
From the depths of the earth
I call to you
I know you hear my cry
You see my fears
From the depths of earth
I call to you
Breathe in
The wind it whips my skin
I feel alive like before
And I say you name
Jesus come take this doubt away
I can’t fight anymore
I know you hear my cry O God
From the depths of the earth
I call to you
I know you hear my cry
You see my fears
From the depths of earth
I call to you
Do you hear me?
Can you feel me?
