It may seem like I’m on an 11 month long vacation. Especially when I’m in a closed country where I can only post pictures of me riding a camel in the desert. What is a closed country? A closed country means it is illegal to be here on mission. Here in North Africa, it is legal for me to be a Christian, but I could get asked to leave the country if they knew I was here to spread the Good News of Jesus. I could endanger the work that other people have been doing for years if I share too much on social media. I have to reroute my IP address to write a blog or check my fundraising status. Coming from Central America where it seemed as though everyone was a Christian, to a predominately Muslim country has been a huge change.
The last 2 weeks here have been challenging. Before coming to Africa, the lord laid the words “stretching” and “peace” on my heart. At the time I didn’t understand how I could feel 2 things that sound so contradictory. But now that I’m 2 weeks in, I understand. Last week I was ready to buy a plane ticket home. Here is a vulnerable excerpt from my journal:
“I’m over the Race. I’m uncomfortable- physically and spiritually. I want to be left alone. I miss my family. I miss my dog. I’m tired of being sick and having nothing familiar to comfort me. I keep having to remind myself that the work we’re doing here is worth everything I’ve left behind. God I know you promised stretching but I feel like I’m snapping. I need you to show me daily why I’m here. I don’t want to stay in this state I’m in. And God I know you’re the only one who can help get me out of it.”
This week I haven’t wanted to get out of bed much less go out into the city to share the love of Christ with people. And I couldn’t understand why. In fact I felt so guilty for feeling this way. Then yesterday my amazing team reminded me that the war we are fighting is not of flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). The battle I’m facing is in the spiritual realm. Every day here in this city I’m surrounded by snake charmers, and people who are so desperately seeking the love of God but who can’t get to him because of their fear of their King or the shame it could bring their family. I have recently discovered that I am not only sensitive to the emotions of people around me, but also to the spiritual realm. I physically feel the fight between the angels and demons. To some of you this may sound crazy. And to some of you, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
The question is: how do I fight this battle?? The short answer is with the weapons I’ve been given. When I used to tell people I was going to 11 countries a lot of people asked if I was bringing a knife or pepper spray or a machete (ha!). And no I don’t have any of those but I do have a sword. And a shield. And armor to protect me from the evil around me.
“Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.”
??Ephesians? ?6:11-18?
I realized that the things I’ve been feeling are real. My emotions are real and valid. But the King of Kings who sent me on this mission is far more powerful. The victory is His- He has already won! Therefore I’ve already won the battle. Now I just need to pick up my sword. Please continue praying for me and my team as we face battles every day. Pray that we would be reminded of the goodness of our Father. That we could pour out love to the people of this city because of the overflowing love we receive from the Father. Pray that we would hold tight to the peace we have, even when everything else around us seems chaotic. (Philippians 4:7)
