I refuse to live in the present.
I refuse to live my life moment-by-moment: savoring, enjoying, and experiencing all the Lord has for me. And when I refuse to fully engage in my life, I’m indirectly indicating that God created certain days of life to hold more value than others. By constantly being fixated on the future and disengaging from the present, I’m saying to God, “this day is less important than a day that I lived four years ago.” OR “today is less important than a day I’ll live four years from now.”
I find myself emotionally and mentally separating myself from the present in order to dream about the future, or assess the past. A lot. I could be in the deepest, most intentional conversation. Or I could be in the middle of singing and dancing with a bunch of 5-year-old Filipinos. Physically present, yet SO mentally disengaged.
That’s lame. That means I’m discontent with my life, and ultimately, discontent with the God of the Universe. The God that created the cosmos, that calls the stars by name, that calls me out of darkness daily, that screams his affection for me every chance he gets. I don’t want to ever fail to stand in awe of my Creator. So I must beg for his help, his eyes, his heart, his presence.
OKAY. SO…
Say God didn’t create every single day to be lived in total enjoyment of him, glorifying him. That would make him an insecure, lacking (not all-powerful), and distant (not present) God. But he is none of those things.
So, I’m pretty sure he made every day for me to live and LOVE and be present in.
Therefore, for me to constantly live in anticipation of the future – or in guilt of the past – I’m refusing the glory of God. He created every single day of my life with such intentionality and desire. He knitted together the very essence of my being and wrote out my days. Days filled with enjoyment of him, of his creation, filled with glory and fun and celebration and tears and life. I don’t want to miss out on my life.
Be.
I just want to be. Be fully and completely where I’m at, experiencing the fullness of what God has for me in every given moment.
I get to live a life filled with the grace and mercy and kindness of God. I get to live a life constantly discovering more about who God is and who I am; then I get to walk in the freedom of the things I learn. I just get to walk next to Jesus, depending on him for my next step, next breath, next word. Wonder. Life with Jesus is whimsical and wonder-filled and FUN. I don’t want to miss out on the fun by wishing I was somewhere else – physically or spiritually.
Contentment. I want to be content wherever I’m at, with whatever I have, doing whatever I’m doing, because I have such an awareness of the Spirit of God.
I’m dedicated to living every moment of every day of my life. And when I fail, I’ll come to Jesus begging for eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart that desires him above all else.
When my heart is content in him, I will be filled with deep joy in living life.
I have two weeks left of the Race. Two weeks left sleeping side-by-side with the friends I now call sisters. Two weeks left of waking up at 6:00 in the morning to get ready for ministry. Two weeks left of spending time laughing, talking, and enjoying life with my squad. Two weeks left in a country I’ve called “home” for the past three months.
Two weeks left that I don’t want to miss. Two weeks of really sweet life that I can either choose to be a part of, or miss out on because I’m so focused on/worried about/fantasizing being home. I’m so sick of missing out of my life and missing out on loving people like Jesus. No more.
WILL YOU DARE?
Dare to be fully engaged, mentally and physically, with every moment you get to live?
Fall in love with living your life alongside Jesus. Just be. Be present. Be filled with enjoyment. Find deep joy in every moment.
You only get one life, may as well ACTUALLY live it.
-Lyss
