I don’t deserve it… I don’t get it. I am so used to having to earn things. Grades, money, whatever. Pretty much everything that I have has been earned through things that I’ve done.

Except for Him.

Wouldn’t you think the most valuable gift would be the most expensive to get? Grace… it is a scandal because it is undeserved. I cannot earn it. There is nothing that I have done or can do to earn His grace.

God is the only one who looks at us in our darkest days… in our most emotional states… and says, “my love has not changed. I still love you the same as I always have. Infinitely. Nothing you do can change that. You cannot do anything, feel anything, say anything, to make me forsake you. I am always faithful. I have chosen you.”

 

But why in the world would you do this? You are Almighty God, deserving praise and honor and glory to the utmost extent. I cannot give you that. As a sinful, imperfect, self-righteous human, I cannot give you that. So why… WHY… would you give me something I have not deserved? I cannot pay you back. There is nothing that I can do that adequately thanks you.

 

“Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. BUT BECAUSE OF HIS GREAT LOVE FOR US, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by GRACE you have been saved.” (Ephesians 2:3-5)

Think about it, dead people don’t DO anything… they’re dead. But God — in His GRACE, because of who HE is — reached down and breathed life into our dry, dead bones.

Grace, what have you done? Murdered. Accused. Blood poured out. For us. FOR ME.

 

Why not leave me to die in the way I DESERVE? Why did you even bother if you know that I screw everything up? I mess it up so much. So much. Too much to make sense of it all…. Too much… I don’t understand. Jesus, I’d be lost without you. Why would you save me when you don’t need me? When I don’t deserve it? It’s all because of you Jesus… It’s all because of you Jesus… It’s all because of you Jesus… I don’t get it. I don’t deserve it.

 

I’ve screwed up so badly, Jesus. I am not worthy of you. I am not worthy to live the life you have called me to live. I FEEL SO INADEQUATE. I feel like I’m failing you. I don’t feel like I am enough to be called your Daughter. Why have you saved me? What in the world do you see in me? Why do I go through so many different emotions over the course of one day? Why do I get angry and frustrated about stupid stuff? Why can’t I enjoy my senior year to the fullest and thank you even when I don’t really understand what the point is…? I have made so many mistakes. I AM NOT WORTHY OF YOU. I feel like I need to do something to earn my worth in you. You can’t possibly use someone like me. I mean, look at me Jesus. I’m just a normal, emotional, screwed up teenage girl. Why could you possibly want me??? Even more, why could you possibly want to USE me to tell people about you? I’m nothing special. I am struggling to understand STILL that you do not base your love for me off of ME. Off of who I am. What kind of person looks at me and says, “Masterpiece. Worthy. Called. Enough.”?! I don’t feel like I’m any of those things. I haven’t done anything to deserve you. Why in the world would you want to use me. WHY??!

 

Because He is God. And because He is God, that also means He is love. It means that He is mercy, grace, justice, eternal, faithful, all-powerful, infinite, self-existent… the list goes on.

I don’t deserve it, still He gives Himself away.

Because he is what he is, BECAUSE HE IS WHAT HE IS, I am saved by grace. YOU are saved by grace. I am the worst of sinners. I am the one who mocked Him and spit in his face. I am the one who lashed Him to the point of being unrecognizable. I am the one who pressed the crown of thorns into His head. I am the one who nailed His hands and feet into the cross. It was MY sin that did that. I deserve death. I DESERVE to die for the sin that I have committed and the sins that I will commit. That is what I deserve.

But I didn’t get what I deserved. While a was still a sinner, while I was still guilty, while I was still had my back turned towards Him, Christ died for me. He died for you (Romans 5:8). He rushed to take our place because His love was THAT GREAT. He was willing to endure public ridicule, betrayal, beatings, and even death. We did nothing to earn it; nothing to deserve it. But because of who HE is, I did not get what I deserved. You did you get what you deserved. We got the opposite. We got grace.

“God has a VOLUNTARY relation to everything He has made, but He has no NECESSARY relation to anything outside of Himself. His interest in His creatures arises from His sovereign good pleasure, not from any need those creatures can supply nor from any completeness they can bring to Him who is complete in Himself.” (A.W. Tozer)

He has not saved me because it would make Him more complete. He does not need me. He saved me, he saved US, by grace and grace alone. Only through and by His grace are we able to have a relationship with Him. We have been justified by the death of Jesus, and because of that are able to have a relationship with the Lord.

He knew I would screw up. He knew I would doubt. He knew I would become distracted at times. He knew my heart. Yet… YET, he still saved me.

What. A. Scandal.

His POWER is made perfect in my weakness (1 Corinthians 12:9). Am I inadequate? Yes. There is nothing that I can do that will allow me to EARN God. But my weaknesses… my inadequacies… my struggles… made perfect because of who He is. Even though there is nothing I can do to earn God – even though my life is imperfect – his POWER is made PERFECT in my WEAKNESS. He uses my weakness to bring Himself glory.

 

I’d be lost without you.

Thanks for tuning it! It honestly means the WORLD to me that you would take time out of your day to read this. Also, for those of you who haven’t heard, I AM OFFICIALLY HALFWAY FUNDED!!! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me – financially, prayerfully, and emotionally. It means so much to me! -Lyss