I wish I could tell you that I always had my life together.
But I don’t. Never have, never will.
Instead I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to not have it all figured out. It’s okay to mess up and make mistakes. And it’s okay to have a bad day. Life isn’t perfect, and I am definitely far from perfect. I doubt God. I doubt His sovereignty and will, and I doubt that he knows what he’s doing (even though he always, always does). I doubt that I’m actually supposed to go on the World Race because I think that I’ve made it up in my head that it’s what I’m being called to do.
Doubt is real. Suffering is real. Joy is real. Hardship is real. Trust is real. Heartbreak is real.
Following Jesus is hard, but it’s real. Most people think (including myself, at one point) that when you love God, all your problems will go away. That is a lie straight from the pit of hell. If anything, when you start following Jesus, life gets harder. Better, but harder.
Not to get all supernatural the-devil-is-out-to-get-you or anything, but when you are a follower of Jesus, the devil will try to do anything to keep you from Life. He will do whatever he has to do to make you lose sight of the God of the Universe because he knows that the only way to True Life is through Jesus, and he hates it.
DO NOT LET HIM WIN.
No matter what you are going through, no matter how hard it is, no matter how tempting it may be, no matter how much it hurts, DO NOT LOSE HEART. Because when you start to lose heart, when you start to fall deeper and deeper into the lies of the Devil, you will lose life. You will lose Jesus, and he is the only way for you to be able to become the best you that there is.
Do you know that you’re worthy? Worthy of someone’s time and love?
Do you know that you’re beautiful? (guys, you too. Not in a mushy-gushy type of way, but in a knight-in-shining armor, William Wallace kind of way)
Do you know, really know, that you are accepted? Just as you are, no strings attached.
You are worthy. So much so that (get this) Jesus Christ, a man who experienced emotion in the same way that we do, suffered beatings, whippings, and insults. He was nailed (nailed. Like with the big metal spikes you put into wood. And you better bet it HURT, but he still did it) to a rugged wooden cross for you and me. YOU AND ME. You might be thinking:
“Yeah, yeah Alyssa. Jesus died, blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all before. If I follow this “God,” my life will be so much greater, right? Well where was God when my Mom died? When my best friend got in a car accident? When my Grandma got cancer? When my parents got divorced? When I didn’t get the job I wanted?”
Let me tell you something: I don’t know why these horrific things are allowed to happen. I really don’t. And if that’s you, wondering why a this “good” and “loving” God could allow such heartbreaking things to happen, I wish I could give you an understandable answer. But I can’t, so I’ll tell you this instead: Even though I will never be able to understand why God allows the things that he does, I also know that He would never allow hardship if it wasn’t a part of his plan.
Here’s a little secret: God cannot contradict himself or He wouldn’t be God. Since I know that he promises “in this world we will have trouble” (John 16:33) and that “all who desire to live godly lives in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Tim. 3:12), I have to hold on to hope that suffering is not in vain. Don’t get me wrong, suffering is hard. Death is hard. School is hard. Life is just HARD and messy sometimes. But I have to believe in spite of all of the evil, there is good. There is hope. There is life.
Please do not take this as an, “Okay, so you’re saying I should just forget about all that I’ve gone through Alyssa?” That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying that God, if we allow him to, can and will use our suffering to produce something precious that he wouldn’t have been able to do without it.
“How on God’s green earth do you think anything bad can be used for good? I thought you were crazy before, but now you’re really off your rocker.”
What if the Devil purposely chose to make you suffer in hopes that it would break you? What if he wanted to lead you away from the only good thing that can make good things come from bad?
Guess what? That’s exactly his plan.
So, what if, instead of allowing ourselves to become angry, bitter, and hateful because of trials and hardships, we allowed God to use it? What if we allowed him to take our suffering and our burdens and somehow turn them into something glorious?
It’s happened before, and he can make it happen again.
So I’m choosing to trust the Lord. Instead of leaving my heart shattered in pieces around my feet, no matter how painstakingly hard or painful it is, I WILL let him use my pain to produce something for his glory. I will fix my eyes on him. I will reach out in my weakness and take hold of his mighty right hand. I’ll fall into his arms, heartbroken and weak, and allow him to raise me up as a mighty warrior. Again, and again, and again. Because he CAN AND WILL use my weakness to teach me and mold me in a way no other experience would allow him to. And he will not fail me. So I will take heart and trust, even in the midst of uncertainty, fear, and doubt.
And he will slowly, little by little, piece by piece, put me back together again.
You are an overcomer! It means the world to me that you would read this whole blog. Seriously. You’re awesome.
-Lyss
P.S. I’ve almost sent out all of my support letters (WOOHOO!), so keep your eyes peeled for yours! Also, if you feel led to give, by all means please do. 4 people. FOUR PEOPLE have raised $1,675 already for my trip. So seriously, every penny counts.
