I thought that I was the exception to pride, entitlement, and thinking that “my way is the right way.”
Well, I’m not. I really like to be in control, I really hate being told what to do, and I hate doing things wrong.
At Camp Hope, my team of ten is usually split up into three groups during the day: one group cleans, another works in the kitchen, and the rest help out in the classrooms. During one day of ministry this week I was cleaning.
There are two women who are in charge of housekeeping at Camp Hope – Miriam (pronounced MID-EE-IN) and Tanya. Usually, when I clean, I’m with Miriam.
Miriam is extremely diligent. She does every task completely, forgetting no detail, even if it’s as small as picking up a few pieces of paper from a hole punch off of the ground. She takes the time to explain small tasks to a clueless, non-Spanish-speaking, missionary girl (and by clueless I mean that I haven’t cleaned Camp Hope nearly as much as Miriam has). She answers the phrase “Como say d say…?” (how do you say…?) for me at least twenty times a day… even if it’s me asking how to say the word “bucket” twenty times. I forget things really easily. She asks me how I’m doing every day, multiple times a day – “Como Estas?” is ONE Spanish phrase I have DOWN (hold your applause). She asks me to sit down sometimes so that I can rest while she sweeps. Miriam is kind, considerate, and does her job really well.
One time specifically this week, she asked me to help her rinse out a rag that we had just used to clean one of the classrooms. She asked me to move a wet mop that was near the hose, and I put it where I thought it should go. Since she can’t talk to me in Spanish, she asked me with hand motions to move it to a different place… five feet to the left of where I had placed it. I was frustrated, to say the least. Not verbally, not expressively, but inwardly. I was so frustrated inwardly.
“Why the HECK does it matter if the mop is where I put it, rather than five feet to the left?” That’s what ran through my mind.
Woah there, Lyss. Heart check.
First of all, I hated that I couldn’t understand her. I couldn’t understand what she told me to do – where she told me to put the mop – and therefore I put it in the wrong place. Second of all, when things aren’t explained to me, it’s really hard for me to get on board with the said “thing.” Again, don’t speak Spanish, so Miriam can’t verbally explain things to me. Third of all, I feel so helpless when I’m cleaning with Miriam. I feel like I’m doing absolutely nothing to help, and that’s really hard.
Even though I have almost no experience with cleaning at Camp Hope, I somehow think that I have the right to get frustrated with correction. I became so unwilling to serve her because I allowed my pride to get in the way. Who am I to think that I know better than Miriam? I wish I knew exactly how long she’s been working for the ministry, but I can only imagine that it would be at least five years. It is so prideful of me to think that I have a right to know where to put a mop; I’ve never been to South America, I’ve only been at Camp Hope for a month, and I’ve probably cleaned a total of ten or twelve times. I know just as much about cleaning those rooms than I do about quantum physics.
This is where my pride/hunger for control kicks in: thinking that I can somehow do a “better job” than someone who’s WORKS for the ministry that I VOLUNTEER at. I don’t know better, I’m not any better, and therefore am not allowed to be entitled to “doing things my own way.”
It’s my job to partner with ministries overseas, not feel “productive.”
Major humbling moment about something as small as moving a mop. I always want to have a teachable spirit, even if I don’t understand the language, why I have to do the tasks that do, or why little things are important. I don’t need an explanation for something in order to do it willingly and meekly.
I want to be a woman who is willing to yield to others. I want to be interruptible. I want to stop for anyone, do anything, and give up of myself at the cost of myself.
Definitely not there yet, but I believe that I have the power to choose these things, because the Lord has given all human beings the power to choose.
Thanks for reading. I’m learning a lot about myself here. It’s really cool and really good and really hard.
-Lyss
