From the 4th to the 9th of this month, I was at debrief in Boca Chica, Dominican Republic. Essentially, debrief is a period of time where we’re able to rest, process, hang out, and just refill. We have three debriefs over the course of 9 months, and our first one was after our first month! It was really, really restful and filled with a lot of processing. This blog just explains a lot about what was going on in my heart the last couple of days we were there.
In the particular area of the Dominican that we were in, sex trafficking and sex tourism is very common. It’s normal for men to cat-call, whistle, hiss, and stare. It’s normal to see middle-aged white men with young dominican women EVERYWHERE. But honestly, I hadn’t seen much of it until the day before we left.
As I was talking to Rachel, I couldn’t stop staring in his direction. He was probably around his mid to late fifties. He was alone when I walked in to talk to my squad coach. But then this girl came and sat down with him at his table under the gazebo.
She couldn’t have been more than 22 years old or younger. Dominican woman. Pretty face, wearing a short little collared dress.
At first they were just talking. Casually having a conversation… or so I thought.
When I was done talking to Rachel, I went and sat down next to one of my squad mates (Sandy) while my other squad mate (Josie) was having her one-on-one with Rachel.
I couldn’t help but steal glances over in that man’s direction. As it turns out, the face-to-face conversation that I thought this man was having with the Dominican woman was over google translate. GOOGLE FREAKING TRANSLATE. He couldn’t speak Spanish, so he had to use google translate to communicate with her.
Priceless. Valuable. Worthy. Loved. This woman is all of these things. And yet, this man was looking at her like she was a piece of meat; she obeyed his every command. She did everything she could to seduce him. That’s what he was paying her for.
Before my meeting with Rachel, Sandy, Josie, and I were walking through the hotel grounds to the pool/relaxation area, and Rachel told us something quietly. She warned us that it was very common to see old white men with young Dominican women inside this hotel/resort type thing.
My first reaction was complete and utter disgust and heartbrokenness. Sex trafficking has always been something that was heavy on my heart. I hate it with every fiber of my being. It’s unjust. It’s repulsive. It’s evil. I wish that it didn’t exist.
In school, I had always written about it and spent hours on end researching stories about it. My passion about raising awareness for sex trafficking and STOPPING it continued to burn as I read more about it. But that’s the thing: I had only ever heard stories and read about the atrocity of what sex trafficking is. I had never stood in front of it face-to-face.
Now, here I am. Face-to-face with the very men that feast upon women’s bodies because it brings them pleasure. Face-to-face with the women who are subject to this evil day in and day out. Face-to-face with the anger that burned within me. Face-to-face with the utter brokenness of humanity. Face-to-face with so many questions.
As I stared at this interaction that was going on between this middle-aged white man and the Dominican woman, I was filled with hate and anger. Honestly. I hated that man. I hated that this woman was subjecting herself to such a lifestyle. I hated that this was normal. I hated that the people at this resort KNEW what was going on, and yet turned a blind eye.
What was she thinking? What was she feeling? What’s her story? Why was this allowed to happen?
I didn’t want to imagine what he was saying to her. I didn’t want to imagine what he was going to do to her. All I wanted to do was get out. I wanted to leave. I felt like I was suffocating. My skin was crawling.
As time ticked by, my anger, frustration, confusion, and disgust built up. She was stroking his neck, holding his arm, he was buying her drinks… it was repulsive. It made me so BEYOND angry that people were seeing this and allowing it to just HAPPEN. How could people be okay with this? How could it be acceptable?
How much more does my Father’s heart break for these women? How much more does his heart ache because of our world’s brokenness?
But Jesus still loved people. He still died for that man just as much as he died for me.
Still, I just don’t understand how I can love people like that. People who take advantage of a woman’s purity, of her body, of her worth. I can’t even think about them, let alone look at them. How could I possibly love these men? It seems impossible.
But my sweet, wise, insanely awesome friend, K.P. (also known as Kate Paulson), reminded me of something as I was telling her about my thoughts. She reminded me that our fight isn’t against flesh and blood.
My fight isn’t against the sex offender and the men who do these sickening things.
My fight is against sin. My fight is against Satan. My fight isn’t against a person.
These men are broken. These women are broken. This world is broken.
I’m no better than those men. I’m just as broken. I’m just as desperate for Jesus. I don’t deserve him any more than they do. I’ve sinned. I’ve fallen short of God’s glory. I’m not higher on the holy scale than they are. So it’s my job to love them. Even though I haven’t gotten there yet, even though I haven’t really figured out how to do it, God gives so much grace. He will be with me and will walk with me through this pain and processing. I can’t find it within my own heart to love those men. Heck no. It’s impossible. So I have to cry out to the Lord for HIS heart. Because within myself, there’s no way that I would EVER love them.
One of my squad leaders said it so well when he was praying, “Lord, I don’t have it within my heart to love these people. I can’t do it on my own. I need YOUR heart. I need YOUR eyes. Give me a heart like yours, Jesus.” (this isn’t word-for-word, but you get the point).
God is Whole. God is Light. God is Healer. God is Restoration. God is Protector. God is Redeemer. God is Life. God is everything that this world could never be. Our world is in desperate need of healing. I can’t go on blaming people for everything that’s wrong with the world. It would crush me… I would die. I would suffocate. I have to realize that the reason behind the brokenness of the world started in the Garden of Eden. It started with sin. And it will not be healed until Jesus comes again.
All of the ways that women are unjustly treated in other countries breaks me heart. I hate it. But it just makes me yearn even more for a perfect world where these things don’t exist. It makes me yearn for Jesus. I can’t wait to die. I can’t wait to go to heaven and live in harmony with the Lord. I really, really can’t wait.
But until that day, I have to take hope and take courage in the fact that God is greater than this brokenness. he’s greater than the foothold Satan has within the sex trafficking industry. And one day, there WILL be justice. One day, there will be complete restoration and healing. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty darn excited for that day.
-Lyss
Hey. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being interested in my thoughts and my story. It means the world, truly.
UPDATE: I’m in Haiti and loving life. It’s absolutely amazing here. Ministry is very fruitful already, but so so tiring. Pray for energy and strength to pour out my heart regardless of how I feel! The Lord has blessed me above and beyond what I thought he would in Month 2. I’m in awe of all of the gifts he’s given to me. PRAISE! Keep praying!
