I’m almost 6 feet tall, I have long brown hair, green eyes, and I’m white. I’m tan, but definitely WHITE.
I love how the Lord has created me to be. Truly, & genuinely – I love who I am. HOWEVER. Being a long-legged white girl in a country where everyone is about 4 feet tall draws attention. I can’t go anywhere without people staring at me; without being noticed. Which, for a girl who despises being stared at, gets a little tough sometimes.
Men make me uncomfortable. Foreign men especially make me uncomfortable. So having them stare, whistle, hiss, and degrade me (and the girls I live with) kills something in me. It makes me want to curl up into a ball, lock myself in a bedroom, and never allow myself to be vulnerable enough to trust men. Any man, every man, all the men.
And the walls go up.
When these men look at me, I feel as if I’m being pinned against a wall. I feel powerless. Hanged by their eyes. Incapable to defy how marginalized I feel.
“Pretty tall white girl.” Stereotype, stereotype, stereotype. I hate stereotypes.
Every time a man looks at my green eyes, brown hair, and tall figure, I feel like they’re putting me on display.
“Look at her… she’s BEAUTIFUL. Only worth her looks. I don’t care about her heart. I just need to fill the insatiable desire my eyes hunger for.”
It feels like a piece of my skin is being ripped off.
Every comment, every look, every smile, every hiss. Piece, by piece, by piece. I no longer deserve the title “human.” In their eyes, I’m just something to feed on. That’s what it feels like at least.
But GOD. He is a man. A man that I trust, wholeheartedly. A man who is safe. A man who does not use the name “daughter” to manipulate me. A man who says that I am CLOTHED in strength, dignity, and beauty. A man who, when he looks at me, never takes. Jesus is a man who restores. He never misuses or twists my beauty.
Jesus gives, and gives, and gives. He only gives. In a world filled with people eager to steal, kill, and destroy, Jesus freely and abundantly GIVES.
So, no matter how many times a man may look at me and tear away at me, Jesus restores. Every time a piece gets taken, Jesus comes right behind him and fills that gaping hole.
Every time a man stares the familiar hollow stare, Jesus gives me a vision. He comes behind these broken men and he looks at me with dignity, love, and tenderness. He looks at the hole they ripped in me, and he fills it. He fills it more fully than it was before. He fills it with LIGHT. Blinding, white-hot light.
He fills me so I can keep on giving. Dignifies me so that I can clothe others in dignity. Reminds me that he is a refuge so I can be that for others.
These men don’t deserve to be looked at with kindness, beauty, and grace. But neither do I. So, because of Jesus in me, I will love. Love justly, just love.
So HECK, come at me, men. Stare at me. Hiss at me. Dehumanize me ALL YOU WANT. You cannot take away what my Jesus gives. You cannot tell me who I am. You hold no power over me.
I am beloved.
I am precious.
I am honored.
I am dignified.
I am strong.
I am a woman.
&& I am never defined by how I look.
Because I serve a God who gives, when you take, I will give. When you steal, I will restore. Only because of Jesus. ONLY Jesus.
This light is in me, and the darkness cannot overcome it. (John 1:5)
You rock for reading this. Truly hope and pray that Jesus speaks to you through it.
-Lyss
