I was so excited for Botswana. Not only was coming to Africa an answered prayer/dream, I was just excited to experience the culture.
Let me paint you a little picture.
On Tuesday – the 14th of November – our driver for these next two months, Black, came and picked us fresh off of our bus from South Africa. However, he underestimated how much luggage 7 backpackers carry, so his 7 seat mini-van wasn’t going to fit us all AND our luggage in one trip. Kelly, Hunter, and I were sent off to the house first. We stuffed ourselves like sardines into Black’s van with all of our luggage. We drove about 15 minutes (Black got a little lost) to our host home for the next two months.
We pulled into the gated driveway that blocked the car from pulling up to the house. Key words: GATED and HOUSE. We were going to be staying in an actual house for our time in Botswana. Secretly, I was hoping it would be super run-down and crappy at least.
Alas, it was not. I’m actually convinced that this house sits on the thin line where heaven and earth meet. Kelly and I were genuinely speechless when we walked in. It’s a freaking nice house. Not only is our host, Milton, the sweetest dude ever, but we have running water. Running HOT water. Which means HOT showers. Luxury. We also have a washing machine. And air conditioning. And amazing wifi. And a backyard with a pool, grill, TWINKLY LIGHTS, and fire pit. And a super sweet ministry host (his name is Milton and he’s actually the coolest). And access to grocery store that’s in walking distance. That means fresh fruit and eating HEALTHY.
You might be wondering, “Alyssa, what in the world is your damage? Enjoy it! That’s such a GIFT.” And you’re SsssO right. I wake up every day kind of in awe that this is actually where I’m living. What a gift honestly.
BUT HERE’S MY DILEMMA:
This is not what I signed up for. I didn’t sign up for the World Race to be living like this. God, why the heck did you put us here and not in the bush of Botswana? I want to be challenged for goodness’ sake. How can that happen if I’m living this well? How? Why?
My supporters didn’t support me to live like this. They supported me giving up comfort and things I have in America. I have so much here. I feel like I’m letting them down in a way. But I also don’t want people to have a false perception of my life and think I’m struggling to get by and eating grass for dinner. I ate yogurt with bananas, apples, and oranges in it. AND two pieces of avocado toast. My needs are being abundantly met here friends.
My past two months haven’t been AT ALL what I was expecting from the World Race as far as living situations go. I had comfy(ish) bed to sleep on in both the Dominican Republic AND Haiti. We’ve had running water, electricity, good food (and enough to be full after every meal), wifi, and insanely kind hosts. When I came on the World Race, I was expecting to sleep in a tent, brush my teeth with water from my water bottle, and have zero access to the outside world WHATSOEVER. But that hasn’t been the case. And quite frankly, it’s created disappointment in me.
Although all of these things I have are SUCH a blessing from the Lord, I wasn’t expecting my time in Botswana to look this lush. It’s hard to be thankful for all of the things that I have when part of me desires to be sweating my butt off and living in a tent.
I’m seeing Instagram posts, reading blogs, and seeing stories about people living “the World Race life.” And shoot, comparison is so real. Sometime I would rather be sleeping in dirty places, taking showers with 10 different bug species’, and sweating buckets. All the Racers who have that seem to be experiencing crazy cool, life-changing, earth-shattering experiences. More culture. More challenges. More differences to the American life I left 2 and a half months ago.
I feel like I’m missing out on something because my physical needs are all being met so abundantly. Yes, I’ve been stretched so much spiritually and emotionally. I’ve actually learned more about myself and the Lord these past 2.5 months than I have in my entire life. But I’m so ready for a “bigger challenge.”
Then I read this.
“God is all-powerful. Colossians 1:16 tells us that everything was created FOR God: “For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.”
Don’t we live instead as though God is created for US, to do OUR bidding, to bless US, and to take care of OUR loved ones?
Psalm 115:3 reveals, “Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.” Yet we keep on questioning Him: “Why did You make me with this body, instead of that one?” “Why are so many people dying of starvation?” “Why are there so many planets with nothing living on them?” “Why is my family so messed up?” “Why don’t you make Yourself more obvious to the people who need You?” (For me, the question I’ve asked is “Why have you placed me here? HERE. Of all the places in Botswana, you had to put me in such an Americanized area with tons of comfort.”)
The answer to each of the questions is simply this: BECAUSE HE’S GOD (okay Francis Chan. Woah). He has more of a right to ask US why so many people are starving. (He has more of a right to ask ME why I’m in this exact place in Botswana). As much as we want God to explain himself to us, His creation, we are in no place to demand that He give an account to us.
‘All the peoples of the Earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hook back his hand or say to him: “What have you done?” — Daniel 4:35
Can you worship a God who isn’t obligated to explain HIs actions to you? Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation? Do you really believe that compared to God, “all the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing,” including you?” Francis Chan – CRAZY LOVE.
Woah. I am in no place to question the God of the universe. He has no obligation to give me an answer. I don’t deserve one. Who am I to question how the Lord will work in these next two months, despite all of these luxuries? Who am I to question his sovereignty in placing me EXACTLY where I am? Who am I to doubt that He’s going to do INSANE things these next two months, despite the luxury I’m living in? He could’ve put me at any other ministry site in Botswana. He could’ve put me in the middle of the boondocks. But He didn’t. He put me here. And I have no place to question that.
I CAN’T DEMAND AN ANSWER, BUT HE DEMANDS MY TRUST.
Thanks for that sweet advice, God. I’ll work on that… trusting you.
“How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:10-14
“At the moment I have all I need—and more! I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me with Epaphroditus…” Philippians 4:18
But I have to learn about being content whether I’m in want OR PLENTY. Gotta learn how to live in plenty. I am “generously supplied.” But that doesn’t mean that I need to choose to give in to these comforts. I can still be thankful for them and enjoy them without being addicted to them. I refuse to be comfortable. My biggest fear is being comfortable and falling back into my life I had in the States. My old life. I wanna live differently. I don’t want to fall into complacency and apathy. I want to press in HARDER to the Lord and what he’s teaching me. I want to challenge myself more than I ever have. I want to grow; I want to look back on these two months in awe of how much I changed and how much the Lord did.
There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord is going to push me HARD here. My mind is already being BLOWN by everything that the Lord is teaching me. I’ve only been here for a week and I’ve already gotten a taste of the depth of thinking and growing that’s going to happen in Botswana.
Talking with one of my teammates, I realized that these next two months are going to predict REALLY well how life after the Race will look. Am I going to choose to still press into the Lord and spend time with him? Am I going to be intentional with the people around me rather than sitting in front of a screen? Am I going to take the things that I’ve learned and actually apply them?
These next to months will challenge me to choose. It’s all a choice. What I do with my relationship with the Lord – how I challenge myself to grow – that’s all up to me.
“What will you choose, Lyss?” That’s what the Lord asked me. And every SECOND of every day I have to choose to push myself. I have to choose to be uncomfortable and have to choose the Lord.
Instead of falling back into old habits, I can press into EVERYTHING (which is a whole friggin lot) that the Lord is teaching me and doing in my heart. I can challenge myself. I can choose to push myself harder than I ever have before.
But I have to choose it.
In the past week, I’ve challenged myself. And it’s been so rewarding. The Lord has done crazy things in my mind and soul. I’ve been thinking about a LOT of things. And it’s really good. I can’t wait to see what these next two months will hold.
-Lyss
If you want to, I would be so humbled if you would pray for me. Pray that the Lord will challenge my heart and mind and soul. Pray that the Lord will reveal more about his character to me. Pray that I’ll learn more about myself. Pray that I’ll actually apply the things that I’m learning to my life; that I’ll go from simply knowing things to actually believing them. Pray that I’ll challenge myself. Pray that I’ll choose well.