There are so many times that we take our purpose for granted. I don’t think we do it consciously either, so it’s hard to recognize sometimes. But we do it nonetheless. I think that’s what I’ve been doing lately.. unknowingly ignoring the absolute joy and wonder that is my purpose. I’ve spent so much time stressing out over the funds that the World Race will take, over my grades this semester, over making sure I spend enough time sleeping and taking care of myself on top of working and doing my daily tasks with excellence. And, like any typical human in day to day life, I have fallen short. I haven’t posted about a fundraiser in a week; I haven’t studied enough for Biology; I haven’t gotten enough sleep; I forgot to schedule a meeting; I showed up five minutes late for a shift at work; and the list could go on, trust me. But I am forgetting to stop, pause and reflect (selah). Why am I shocked that my everyday life doesn’t go perfectly according to M Y plan? Life is imperfect and messy, and sometimes downright frustrating. Yet that is what makes it beautiful. In the imperfection of my life is found the grace of Christ. Even in things as small as what was listed, I find the grace there. Not to excuse me from doing things well, but to give me the grace to realize that I cannot do everything perfectly. If I could, I wouldn’t need Jesus. And trust me, I DO! I need Jesus to fill in the gaps of my imperfection and my slip ups. I need Jesus to help me study better, work harder, live wiser. Those places are all perfect spots to allow Jesus in and to let Him help me.
I cannot live in my own strength, rather, I have to operate in the strength of Christ in order to do everything that needs to be accomplished and to do it well. In the midst of all that craziness and self-induced stress, I allowed my self to overlook the J O Y and W O N D E R that is my God given purpose in life. I allowed myself to overlook my ability to love with abandon, my dream to take His beautiful gospel to all the world, my desire to be so intimately connected with Abba that I live how He wants me to live, daily. I don’t have to go on the World Race, I get to go on the World Race. I don’t have to take biology, I get to take biology in order to complete the degree that will open doors for me to live the purpose God has placed in me. I don’t have to have a job, do meetings or fundraise for anything… I get to. These small things all create an intricate weaving of the life He has called me to, and I don’t have to do any of them- I get the privilege of saying yes to them. And in saying yes to all these small things, I’m really just saying yes to Christ. Saying yes to His purpose for me and saying yes to obedience. Saying yes to trying and saying yes to deep relationship with Him. And right now, in the midst of all the stuff I need to do for the World Race, all the fundraising I have to do, and all the things I need to check off my to-do list, I have forgotten the immense beauty in what I am called to do.
I am blessed enough to go love on sweet children whom belong to my King, children that are sweaty and dusty and messy and altogether beautiful. I am blessed enough to go walk streets full of prostitutes, trafficked men, women and children, ladyboys and pimps, all the while praying over them and loving them where they are because no matter what they are doing, it does not change the abounding love and grace that Abba has for them. I am blessed enough to teach English to incredibly brilliant and beautiful cultures. I am blessed enough to learn from ministry hosts, leaders, and teammates whom I will be journeying with for an entire year. I am blessed to have had all the opportunities in life and in missions that I’ve already come across, and I’m blessed even more for all those moments that are waiting for me. As I looked through pictures on my phone, I came across all the ones below, and God gently reminded my heart that I was not living in gratitude for the beautiful things I am being called to do. When I think of the joy, the purity of love and grace I’ve experienced until now, I can only imagine what’s to come. I’ve been a few places and gotten to love on orphans who became my family and stole my heart, create sweet friendships with women who sell themselves and cried in the middle of the night because all I could do was trust that God would keep them safe, served not only food but hope to countless homeless in different countries and felt like I still hadn’t done enough, yet God calls me to more. These experiences have shaped me, have molded my heart to be more like Christ, but I have so much further to go in trusting my Father. And the answer, “YES,” will forever be on my lips. In the midst of stress, of pain, of goodbyes, of insecurities, of fears, I will answer back with a resounding yes. I’m so humbled this morning in knowing what He is calling me to do in my life, not because I’m worthy of it but because He wants to walk with me through it and allow me to love others like He loves me. I am called to go, to love, and to remain in an ever growing intimacy with my Father. It is so crazy to think we can just go through our everyday life not realizing the beautiful opportunities to love and be loved that are before us. God wants the best for us, and daily, allow yourself to be reminded of His reckless love, of His endless grace, and His ability to create such wonderful purpose in our lives.
Until next time,
Alyssa 🙂
