Popping in to give a quick update on the World Race journey I committed to last year around this time! It’s crazy how much can change in a year. I always thought that once I committed, nothing would change and everything would go according to what I thought was the perfect plan.
Big shock – I was wrong 🙂
God is funny that way – He can flip everything upside down and it’s still right because it’s within His plan. His plan gives me the freedom to choose, the freedom to not be so stoically set on one outcome that I refuse to allow anything else. His plan gives me the YES I need to refuse perfection and choose growth instead.
That’s why I chose to push my launch date back to January, as talked about in my last blog. But so many things were telling me to just quit. The voices that tried being louder than God’s told me things I didn’t want to hear but started to believe.
Nobody will donate, you are too insignificant.
You can’t go and live out the call of missions for 11 months, you’re too messed up.
You’ll never change, you will always struggle with indecision.
You can’t minister to others when you struggle too.
But as always, the voice of Truth steps in and reminds me that this age-old story the enemy is trying to feed me is nothing but lies. He reminds me that I am significant, that He supplies my needs, not people. We are simply His vessels. He reminds me that I’m not too messed up – I am perfectly imperfect. Living a squeaky clean and sin free life would be great but we are human, and us messing up doesn’t make US a messed up person. He reminds me that I can change, and replays the last three years of my life, showing me just how much I have changed. That indecision is the perfect place to just rest on His promise and listen even more closely for what He is telling me. He reminds me that ministering to others is made real and honest and raw and vulnerable when they know that we have struggled too. That the Christian life is going to be full of struggle, full of choices, and yet we get to choose Him. That God’s grace and mercy are available to us, not so that we can sin all the time, but so that when we DO fall short, we know that we can approach the throne of grace and receive forgiveness. The struggles we all endure make us real, approachable, and keep us humble. Perfection is what we may strive for, but we can’t attain it here on our own – that would negate our need for Jesus.
In the midst of all this realization, I recognized why I needed to push back my launch date, and that slowing down wasn’t a failure – it was taking the time to be more intentional. God just wanted me to breathe and step back for awhile: something I’m not inclined to do, and taking a step back or slowing down is not my forte. It frustrates me to slow down, it makes me feel the tension of what I could be doing rather than resting in what God has asked me to do. So before jumping in to 11 months of missions, like the good Father He is, He told me to step back and breathe deeply, to slow down and allow myself the room to rest. I have a lot to do before I leave in January, but I need to learn to rest. It’s still easier said than done, but I’m working on it. It’s understanding that He does know me better than I know myself, and that it’s okay to trust what He says I need to do. He has the best in mind for me. He understands me. I find what I’ve been missing in Him by going so fast all the time, and if stepping back for a few months is what it takes, then do whatever You need to do in me, God.
I said, “Here I am, send me,” – so do whatever necessary in me, heal whatever needs healing, break what pride is left in me, and create a clean heart in me. My prayer is that God would do anything necessary to get me to where I need to be in order to be sent out into my next season.
My new route is going to be launching to Honduras, Costa Rica, Panama, Indonesia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Botswana, Swaziland, Lesotho, South Africa. I am so excited for this route and for my team!
That being said, I am just a little ways off from my first fundraising goal!!! Any amount donated, by anonymous and known sources, has been appreciated and I pray that if God lays it on your heart to donate, that we would stay connected for you to see this journey and that you would be blessed!
Thanks guys!
/////////////////Until next time//////////////////
