WOW!
What can I say? You were one of the few countries that I knew nothing about. All I’d heard was of your mountains and the Panama Canal. Little did I know, those were the least of what you had to offer, as rad as they were.
We had just experienced our first team changes (way earlier than Racers normally do), and I came in mostly hopeful with a pinch of cynical. The moment that we hopped in our friend Aaron’s vehicle, I felt your goodness waiting for me. It waited for me inside laughter, hard work and family. I didn’t know it yet, but I was going to love you. Not for your beautiful landscape, but for the other gifts you gave me.
We hopped out of Aaron’s vehicle, and right when we met Enoc and Yaneth Caballero (our hosts), they called us family. They hugged us so tightly and had written our names on paper, creating a welcome sign in the living room. Their son, Abner, reminded me of my little brother. I breathed a sigh of relief, because even though I’m usually skeptical on the first day, I could tell that this was a home. Not just a house, or hosts to live with, no.. this would be a place I could call home. On top of this, there were dogs and cats and HORSES! An absolute dream for this animal lover!
Our ministry that month (the middle of March – April) was working on the family-owned coffee farm, called The Sower 365. It is an 80+ acre farm that mainly grows coffee, with some peppers & other vegetables thrown in there. The Caballero family vision for this coffee farm is that it’s profits are used to support other missionaries. Their hearts are so beautiful and so generous. We spent 5 days a week working at the farm, with wake-up being around 6:30 am. Our days ended anywhere from 3:00 – 5:00 pm. Sometimes we planted coffee beans and mixed dirt with chicken poop for great fertilizer. Other days, we harvested peppers or planted the ones that were ready. We got to take truck rides everywhere on the farm, seeing the far reaches of the river and the mountains that created this sanctuary. Enoc, who we called dad, showed us his favorite places on the farm. It always felt like he was opening a piece of his heart to us. He taught us the process of sorting, roasting and bagging the coffee beans. We had a system by the end of the month, and I think we’re ready for a job in coffee prep back in the States haha. We also had the privilege of going to a few churches, sharing testimonies, and trekking up the mountain to an indigenous village to hand out boxes from Operation Christmas Child. When we handed out boxes, we also got to host games for the kids and feed them lunch. It was a beautiful day, and an honor to watch how our hosts served at this event as well.
During this time in Panama, I was able to recognize some things in myself that weren’t pretty. I’ve come far from who I used to be, but I still walked in the shadow of needing to earn my value with friendships. Instead of knowing what I bring to the table, I’d been trying to prove what I brought to the table. I’d been attempting to prove my value in the team or individual relationships, because I feared that once they saw the messier version of me, they’d run. I thought that I had to prove my positives were more than my negatives, or I wouldn’t have a place with the team. This isn’t because of anything they did, but rather perfectionism and insecurity within myself from things past. It was something easy to gloss over, because it just seemed like I was trying to bring my gifts to the team. Instead of bringing them as a gift to my team, I had brought them as proof that I was good enough to earn their friendship. How sick is that? The enemy can convince you that everyone else has it together, and that you’re the only one needing to prove something.. But in reality, none of us have to prove ANYTHING. We can own that we’re humans in need of salvation and grace, and we also own that God’s mercy has created access to Him that we don’t have to earn by proving ourselves. God’s mercy can be reflected in relationships earthside. It has been reflected in my teams thus far. They aren’t expecting anything from me, good or bad. They want me to bring myself to the table, wholly full of the best and worst that I am, and allow myself to be molded by the Father. I am so grateful for my teams on the Race.
So, here I am, heading into month 6 and finally writing about you. It’s been so easy to not write a blog about my time in Panama because I love my family there, and I miss them. Keeping that to myself allows me to feel like I didn’t say goodbye. But, if anything, I need you to know how much they mean to me. Caballero family – thank you. Enoc (dad), Yaneth (mom), Abner (little brother) and Libny (sis). Thank you a million times. You made us feel at home, but even better, you gave us a family in Panama. I love each of you so much, and I am grateful that God allowed me to know you and serve with you for a month. The time was too short, but I am blessed that I had even that. I am grateful for every hug and every cookie. I am grateful for every truck ride and every day spent on the farm. I am grateful for every meal we ate around the table together. You spent so much time with us, and invested everything you had from God back into our hearts. You have hearts of gold, you are all strong and courageous, you treasure family, and you choose to follow Jesus daily in every action and every word. Not to mention, we didn’t stop laughing the entire month and that is a GIFT! Thank you for loving us, we miss you constantly and can’t wait for the day we have a family reunion in Rio Sereno!
We love you Caballero family!!!!
Thank you, Panama. You were and always will be unforgettable.
(PS – click the link to watch a short video about our time in Rio Sereno!!!)
