There is always a struggle inside of ourselves when we make a choice. The struggle is am I going to be losing something, or am I going to be gaining something? The problem is that easy choices tend to yield one or the other, not both. If it’s easy to choose, I either win or lose. The hard choices, the game changers, the choices that are more worth it than we can imagine… those choices are almost always an exchange. They aren’t one or the other, they are both. If it is a hard choice, I promise that you will (almost always) have to lose something in order to gain something.
This last month has been a constant yo-yo of thoughts for me. Mixed in with all the excitement and anticipation for holiday traditions and memories to be made with my loved ones is the trepidation that if I go on the World Race, I’m going to miss those things, that I’ll miss something big happening here in my absence. For a whole year, I will miss memories being made with my family and friends back home. For that year, I will miss weddings, holiday celebrations, birthdays, great days, bad days, and all of the in-between. I treasure the good and the bad with those I love. I live in the spontaneity that is life, in the beauty that is the unknown. But I also treasure the familiarity of home and routine, the knowledge that if I have a bad day, I can go right to who I am comfortable and familiar with. My brain has consistently, daily reminded me of what I’ll miss while I’m gone. Down to the smallest details. Coming home to my dog and having to throw her ball for ten minutes just to get her to sit still; decorating our family Christmas tree with ornaments we’ve had since before I was born; not feeling well and crawling into bed with my mom because simply being near her somehow makes a daughter’s heart feel better; serving alongside my incredible church members in a Saturday outreach; watching my brother walk across his graduation stage and receive his diploma; nights spent in my hometown going to Fourth Coast for coffee at 1am with my best friends and then making a run to Qdoba because a nacho bowl is calling our names; staying up until 4am with my roommates who are really my sisters and best friends just to watch a scary movie which means we have to follow it with a comedy or Disney movie too; baking apple pie on thanksgiving while my brother brags about how his pumpkin one will be better; sitting in a living room with my dad discussing everything under the sun and being reminded that he loves me enough to just listen to my rambling; going to sit and watch airplanes take off and land (whether it’s hot, freezing or anything in between) and talk for hours with those I love. There are so many things my heart doesn’t want to miss. And that’s fair, but it’s not realistic to always have 24/7 access to them.
I had a choice to make and I have to consistently remind myself of why I made it and the truth of who God has called me to be. He has called me to go into all the world in order to love His people and share His Gospel. ME. A homebody with an urge to travel. A person who enjoys and needs solitude yet can’t help but find herself constantly seeking people out because the urge to love, to have relationship and to reveal the grace of God to others is too big to ignore. A Christian who stumbles and doesn’t always say the right things and gets nervous speaking that is called to speak truth and life to many, called to lead others into an atmosphere of worship and freedom, called to walk boldly in the purity that the Father has given her. I’m a DAUGHTER of the King. A daughter who was brought out of darkness and out of shame, out of sin and disgrace into His purpose for me: filled to the brim with grace upon grace, purity, and fresh strength to face each day.
What I will miss does not compare to the glory that is coming from saying yes to my Jesus.
Romans 8:18
I am being constantly reminded of the fact that what I will miss does not compare to the glory and joy that will be revealed to me and in me by my Abba. No matter how much I love my family, my friends, my home, my traditions.. I love my God more. I love Jesus more. I love Holy Spirit more. I’ve gotta be willing to put aside my flesh, my emotions, and decide if I’m going to live for temporary happiness or suffer for awhile in order to enjoy the fullness of God’s glory and joy that can surround me and infiltrate into the deepest parts of me. He is my home, my joy, my yes. I pray that I always choose a “yes” to Abba instead of the familiar. What you leave behind in making the hard decisions, in saying the hard “yes” can’t even compare to the the J O Y that God is and brings when we walk in obedience to His purpose for our life.
