I hate being a burden to others. I hate needing help.
Helping others? No problem. Serving my squad mates? No problem.
Let them do the same for me? Problem. Big problem.
A problem I’m facing right now.
I sprained my ankle last week. Now, doctor’s orders, I need help with things. I’m not supposed to carry my pack.
Yeah, that 50 pound internal frame backpack that holds my current earthly possessions. It’s a literal burden that someone else now has to carry for me on travel days.
This wasn’t my plan for my World Race. Nope. It brings up too many insecurities.
Insecurities I thought I’d defeated.
Apparently I haven’t defeated them.
Apparently I’m still dealing with the insecurity, the lie, that If people have to help me with something they won’t like me, won’t want to be around me, will prefer to avoid me.
Apparently I’m still dealing with the lie that if I can’t help somebody or serve them in some way they won’t have any use for me they won’t want to be my friend.
Apparently I still believe the lie that I have to buy friendship, even though I know that’s not true.
How do I know these insecurities aren’t true? Well first, because of the example Jesus gave me, He took the burden of my sins and died on the cross for me. He dealt with the burden I couldn’t handle myself and He doesn’t expect anything from me in return. I don’t have to pay for His help. I don’t have to, and can’t buy his love for me. God loves me because I am His, His creation, His daughter, His friend. He doesn’t love me because of anything I can do for Him.
“He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’”
2 Corinthians 12:9(a) (NKJV)
God’s strength and His love for me is made perfect in my weakness. He does not resent helping me when I am weak.
And, as followers of Jesus, my friends and squad mates don’t either.
“But through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Galatians 5:13(b)-14 (NKJV)
Time and time again over the past week I’ve seen my squad mates be completely willing to help me – and they’ve turned me down when I’ve told them I’ll repay them somehow once I’m healed. They’re living out the unconditional love of Jesus, and I’m more thankful than you can imagine. Yet, I’m still working at being ok with my own weakness, being ok with accepting help. It’s not easy for me, but God has shown me time and time again that accepting help, letting others serve me while I’m hurt is important. Jesus let a woman serve Him by washing His feet with her hair. (Luke 7:37), and Jesus insisted the disciples let Him serve them by washing their feet at the last supper (John 13).So how can I turn down help when I need it and it’s offered to me?
