Trust is a tricky thing. To really trust someone is more difficult than we often give credit. At the beginning of the Race, the Lord told me through a friend that above all else, he was asking me to trust him on the Race. He has asked it time and time again, “Trust me.” When he has asked me that in the beginning, I usually respond with some sort of quick, attitude filled reply of “I do!”. But then, he asked me to;
Do something I didn’t want to.
Walk someone through something that is difficult for me.
Love someone else to the point of personal pain.
Share something personal and important, to be vulnerable and put myself out there.
Give up something I wanted to cling to.
Let go of a dream I have.
Release the power I have to make something happen out of my own strength.
And then I once again realized my lack of trust.
“How can you ask this of me? Why?” My journal is so full of question marks. But the biggest question needs to be, do I trust him? Beyond the “how?”s and the “why?”s of each situation, do I trust him? When I feel like he has walked me straight into the valley, do I trust him? Do I allow full abandonment to His plans and love for me, or do I run away in fear? Do I allow faith in the person of Jesus, and hope in his plans? That His plans are better and bigger than my own? Do I choose a path and then ask him to bless it, or do I wait and allow His plan to be revealed? Do I choose Jesus’ name above every other?
That is what it is to trust. It is stubbornly holding onto what I know to be true, even when I can’t see it. It is holding to the rock of the Word, even when I can’t see his blessings or fruit.
I will hope.
I will trust.
I will hold to the one thing I know to be true and infallible, His Love.
It really is the one thing I know, more certain than my next breath or the sunrise, He loves me. I know that I know that I know that He loves me and because He loves me, I can trust Him.
