One week ago, I shaved my head. It was a decision that I made based off what Jesus was telling me to do, so I listened. Honestly I am still not sure exactly why, but I do know that He has me on a journey to complete freedom in Him. The morning after my sweet squadmate Maddie shaved my head, my teammate and close friend Lindsey found me at breakfast and told me God had given her a letter for me through her. I quickly finished my breakfast and followed her to a bench in a quiet corner. She read this over me:
Your beauty overwhelms me. Not the beauty of the outside, but the beauty of your obedience. I sometimes ask for things that don’t make sense, but I do it to see who is obedient. I had to see if you were willing to make a sacrifice at my altar before I could lead you into what I have next for you. It will seem crazy and like a lot but I need you to simply listen and trust. My beloved, you have given me a piece of yourself and I don’t take it in vain. I see your sacrifice and I weep with gladness at how your heart is fully trusting me again. I see you fully without shame or stain. I see my beautiful bride on her wedding day and I can’t wait to lead you to new depth.
Alyssa, my joy, I see your radiance. I live in awe of your heart and I will see your beauty even when the world passes it over. I can’t wait for the new depths we will partake together. My angel, I love you with a depth that you could never reach the bottom of. You are all together beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you.
I see you white as snow shining forth in breathtaking radiance. That is all I see. Trust that I see no stain on you. Trust that I am giddy to have you as my bride. Believe that your shame was washed away with your hair. I never saw shame, just beauty. I never saw brokenness, just my daughter whom I love. I told you to take away your hair so that you would be able to walk away from the past and walk in freedom and obedience. My child. I love you. Do you believe me? My daughter, I desire you. Do you trust that I tell the truth? You are the crowning jewel in my creation. My heart has never seen you as anything else. My heart has only loved you with an unforeseen depth and there has been nothing that has changed that. Forgive yourself. I see you white as snow. It’s time for you to see what I see. I don’t see anything in your past. I see my beloved for whom I died. Don’t project onto me what you think I see. All I see is my beautiful bride who I desire more than anything in the world. I love you Alyssa. I want you to really believe that. I love you. There has never been anything but love. Live in the freedom of my immense love for you. Please my darling, live in my love and nothing else.
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This letter affirmed me so greatly. Following Jesus sometimes seems crazy, especially when it involves stripping yourself of things that have defined you for years. But I want to see myself as beautiful, even when I have no hair on my head. I want to stand confidently in who He has called me to be, even when it might make others feel strange. I want to stand in front of Jesus with a pile of hair in hand and tell Him that there’s nothing I will not surrender to Him.
