This isn’t “me”. Because I know me. I’ve been me for the past 22 years. I don’t listen to orders, I don’t talk to strangers on the side of the street, or even people outside of my typical friend group for that matter, I don’t give freely, I don’t forgive, I don’t like to be pushed out of my comfort zone, I don’t wake up early so I can sing and dance like a fool in the mornings, I don’t love boldly, I’m not very good at trusting things I can’t see. But I THANK GOD that I am not “me” anymore. I am a new creation. The old has gone, the new is here! I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Thank YOU Jesus for Your grace and for Your redeeming love.
It took me a while to accept the cards I had been dealt. “Why couldn’t I have been saved sooner?!” “If only I would have grown up in church I’d have a closer relationship with The Lord and also know what all this fancy church lingo means!” “I’ve only been a believer for a few months, I’m definitely unqualified for anything.” Blah blah blah. I’m sure Dad probably laughed at me for thinking that I know what’s best for me better than He does.
As 9 months, almost 10, have gone by He has changed my heart resulting in a complete external transformation. Some people understand the source of the transformation and others don’t. But when people ask I get the privilege of explaining how my history shouts the power of the blood of Jesus! Now I’m thankful for the lessons He has taught me through my past and the people He connects me with because of it.
So as He spins me around on this little sanctification dance we’ve got goin’ on, He makes it pretty clear for me to see the difference between the old me vs the new me in Christ. A year ago I would have told you I’d have a job lined up after graduation-my own plan for my future. Somewhere in the state of Texas- staying with in my comfort zone. A place where I knew people and already had family and friends around-familiar faces to ease my fear of the unknown. But here I am. Letting God wreck me in every way my little mind could possibly imagine. Giving Him control of the reins and leading me to leave good ole Texas to serve and spread His love to strangers on this crazy thing called The World Race.
The old me would never wish this upon myself. The new me is overwhelmed with joy that God opened this door to the unknown for me. Tonight I was reading back through some of my old journals. (side note: I’ve always disliked writing and literally only started journaling when I wanted to be more intentional with God. So I’m a little nervous about this whole blog thing and sharing what’s goin’ on in my brain on the internet. Haha but my hope is that it will help someone as much as some of the past world racer’s blogs have helped me) Anyways, one particular writing caught my eye. In one of my first journals I wrote about one of my first experiences of seeing God work through me. I finished the journal with:
It was a simple journal entry, words on a piece of paper, not even a prayer. At that time I had no idea what The World Race even was. I never imagined that a simple spark could eventually turn into a flame this big, but that’s what happens when The Lord takes over. It’s crazy how God loves to grant us the desires of our hearts, even the ones that start out really small. Here I am Lord, send me!
