July 2014, I was in Uganda. Taking some of my first steps in the mission field. Part of which led me to the World Race. I was planning on staying in Uganda for one month. Volunteering at an orphanage, and spending a lot of time helping in the slums. While there I received the news that my grandpa Posthuma had stage 4 cancer. I called my dad bawling my eyes out, begging him to buy me a ticket home. I had a stomach bug and then I found out this news. I didn’t want to stay in Uganda, I wanted to be home, visiting my grandpa, going to doctors appointments, and mostly just being there with my family, the ones I love most.
My dad was such a great support. He asked me if it was too much and I really needed to come home, or if it was because of my grandpa and me just wanting to be there for it. I ended up staying and am so thankful I did. The relationships I have at this orphanage will last a life time. Coming home from Uganda, I had plenty of time with my grandpa. I also had many blessed lasts with my grandpa, I gave him his last haircut, and made him his last meal, and so many cherished moments when our whole family was together. After the diagnosis my grandpa passed away 4 months later.
Since arriving in Lesotho, sleep has been a struggle. Some nights I can make it through without waking. Most nights I wake restless and sweating from my dreams. I talk in my sleep much more than I ever have before. I feel like I’m being attacked, and I know that is exactly what it is. Spiritual attacks from the enemy.
So the devil is kind of predictable. Let’s face it, we know his tricks, and there is never any knew ones. Even though they are not new tricks at times they can still have effect on us.
Something I have come to notice is that when I am on the verge of something big with the Lord, this is when the devil tries his hardest to trip me up and tell me lies. God is here in this village Mokhotlong, way up in the mountains of Lesotho. God is here and doing big things. God is doing big things that I get to be a part of. Last week my team was doing prison ministry and 14 men accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior. This doesn’t happen everyday, this is big. Since being here God has been teaching me about forgiveness. Forgiveness mostly for myself, something that has taken me forever to learn. I know I’m getting there and taking such big steps. I know walking through this forgiveness would mean such big things.
This is also why I know the enemy is trying hard. He doesn’t like what our teams are doing here. He certainly doesn’t like where my walk with the Lord is going. The devil would like nothing more than for me to go home. So the enemy lies and tells you things that aren’t true. He tries to bring you shame, or to make you feel like everything is your fault.
Technology is great and the fact that I can be halfway around the world, but still see my parents face to face is amazing. As I called I told them how my week was, they asked many questions seeing how I was doing, how my homesickness had been, and many more things. The conversation shifted, my dad said something to the effect of Alyssa, we want you to be aware of what’s going on. My only thought was please, please, please, don’t say cancer.
Today I find out my grandpa Smits was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis. Although this is not something that is life threatening, it’s more of a hindrance and he will have to go on oxygen at times. It really, and I mean really sucked finding this out on the race.
Later I sat outside crying, and similar to word vomit this came out. I said, “Last time I did missions my grandpa got cancer, this time my grandpa gets this.” As soon as I spoke it, I knew it was a lie. Satan tried to tell me that when I serve the Lord, in return something bad will happen to my family. How messed up is that? God’s plans are perfect. That doesn’t mean I always understand them. Through the bad times of my grandpa having cancer, there was a lot of good as well, I have assurance that I will see him again in heaven. I think he rejoiced with God when he heard me stomp out Satan’s lie. I also think my grandpa Smits had this Pulmonary Fibrosis thing for quite sometime, but he will finally get some treatment for it.
God’s plans are perfect, and I’m learning to give up control and give it to God instead. So yes, I would love to go home. To go to my grandparents house twice a week like I used to. To go for dinner with my grandma Alice (my squad has started calling me Alice, me and grandma are now both Alice Marie), and I would really just like to be home to check and know for myself that everyone I love is okay. God has planned for me to be here, He isn’t done showing me things, and He is still walking me through healing. God also has a plan for every family member and friend of mine. He wants me to lay it all at His feet so He can carry them, not me trying to carry them.
P.S. Satan you are not welcomed here. Your lies are exactly that, lies. And we declare in Jesus’ name that they won’t have power over us. Because Christ’s blood was shed to take away the shame, the lies, and instead to bring salvation, love, truth, and forgiveness.
