Something I heard many times before coming on the Race, and still often times hear is how strong I am. People would tell me I am so strong to leave home for a year. To endure the things I’ve seen and experience I am strong.
For a long time I thought this was true. I mean I’m strong willed. I can be quite stubborn. I agreed it takes a lot of strength to do the world race. Therefore, I must be strong. Right? No.
Some months I have tried to be strong, and tried to rely on my own strength. These turned into some of the hardest months I had on the Race. I would end up believing lies I knew weren’t true and falling back into sin patterns I had tried to walk away from.
It is month 10. I am exhausted on every level. I don’t even have any of my own strength to give. And I think this is exactly where God would have me be. God says finally, Alyssa step out of the way and just let Me work through you.
I think most of my squad would agree they have also been feeling really attacked by the enemy.
I have been thinking about how the devil knows each of us. He knows our temptations and what would make us stumble. It’s like this. The devil knows I wear a size 8 shoe. But he doesn’t know about the time I broke my foot and it didn’t heal right, or the fact that I have a narrow foot. So therefore the size 8 doesn’t fit just right. The devil might know me, but he doesn’t know me in full.
Let me tell you about my God.
My God, He knows me in full.
God knows every thought I have ever had, all the times I have laugh, cried, and screamed. God knows it all and He deeply cares.
Matthew 10:30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Psalm 56:8 NLT You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
“It follows that there is also a chamber in God himself, into which none can enter but the one, the individual.” – George MacDonald
I like how George MacDonald puts this. He is saying that God desires each one of us. There is a place in God that only YOU, only I can fill.
The enemy may know what hurts me and ways to attack. But, I know that God desires me, that He knows me fully. That He is waiting paitently for me to call out for Him.
Knowing that God will never leave me, and applying that knowledge to my heart and not just my head. This is something I have learned to rely fully on this month, that God will never leave me.
It is well after midnight as I write this, sleep seems to be a far off dream this month. That’s okay though, God is truly Jehovah Jireh. The Lord provides, no matter how short the amount of sleep I get. When I wake the next morning I feel rested and thankful for another day, even though they are not easy.
Are you choosing to see Jehovah Jireh? What has the Lord provided for you, that you may not given Him the credit for?
