Really, I hate team time. It gets to the end of the day and I know team time is coming and I get nervous. I hate team time because living in community gets ugly and uncomfortable.
It was during our second week in Lago Agrio that I started dreading team time. One of my teammates had been singled out and criticized for decisions and actions that should have been directed to the entire team. We didn’t step up and fight for her. She addressed her feeling of abandonment and disappointment during team time. She pointed out my attitude of flight rather than fight in times of conflict. But the thing was, she said it from a hurting heart and with the intention to bring about growth. I reflected about it and said, “I’m sorry, I will do better.”
Then the same thing happened the next day with another teammate and again I stayed silent. We had another hard conversation during team time that made me realize I had failed my team again. I did not fight for my sister and she was hurt even more because I did not speak up for her. Again, I was sorry but words carry little significance when they aren’t backed up with actions.
I spent some time journaling and praying and finally understood that the Lord gives me His spirit and with that He gives me the courage to speak up during conflict, to fight for my sisters, to not give in to fear, or listen to the lies of the enemy.
Things were easier for a few days but I still had this uneasiness going into team time each night. “How have I failed my team today?” It took another honest, open, and vulnerable conversation with my team to really understand that team time is going to be a crucial part of this year. Yes, it might be uncomfortable and ugly at times but how beautiful it is when we can grow, learn, and go deeper in our relationships with one another and with the Lord. I know God has put all the women on my team for specific purposes and I hope I get the opportunity to fight for each and every one of them. Living in community is ugly and uncomfortable but it is necessary and can be so beautiful. I have learned to accept that and I am learning to open myself up even more to my team and what the Lord wants to teach me through them.
{For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.}
2 Timothy 1:7
Quick update on life here in Ecuador. We left our ministry location (Lago Agrio) on Friday, spent Saturday in Quito, and traveled to Baños, Ecuador on Sunday for debrief. Debrief is a time for us to come together as a squad, recharge, and reflect on the past month. Baños is a huge tourist attraction in Ecuador so there are lots of adventurous things to do. Tomorrow we are going “canyoning”, aka repelling down waterfalls. On Friday, we will start our 20+ hour trek to Trujillo, Peru for month 2! Not sure what our ministry will be yet but the whole squad will be together! Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, comments, and support!!
P.S. Go Patriots!!! We found a restaurant here in Baños that was showing the SuperBowl! Great game and I was so glad I got to cheer on my team!
Swinging off the ends of the earth in Baños!
