Here I am, Send Me

There was a time when I was 8 or 9 when I felt called to be a missionary. I had watched a missions video at G.A. camp about missionaries in Libya. God placed Libya on my heart and it really has never left my heart. However, I was never quite clear on how mission work would work with my call to music so I just kinda left it.

Then, when I got the call to New Orleans, I had gone so far away from that heart for missions that I flat out refused God. My refusal tore me apart because God was fueling my desire to go and my desire to stay in my comfort zone would not budge. Finally, I broke. Once I gave into His desires, I felt complete, inner peace. It was like the sun breaking through the clouds after a violent storm.

The funny thing is, once I got to New Orleans, I was a little bit different. I was still quiet and shy, but I found my way to minister. And the weirdest thing was I found out I loved door to door ministry. People weren't always responsive, but the chance to spread God's love even for just a couple minutes was the greatest thing in the world.

My path to the World Race was quite different from my path to New Orleans. My mother had planted the idea in my head to go on a summer long mission trip, so I began searching. Gradually God turned that seed of an idea to a year long mission trip, specifically the one after college. In my searches, I came across the World Race through the Adventures in Missions website. I was intrigued, and when I read the blogs, I felt God speaking to me through them. It was everything I didn't know I wanted. After the initial glance, I started praying. I wanted to make sure that this was truly what God wanted me to do.

Finally, I asked God to give me a sign once and for all. I was going to ask if I would be able to take my trumpet along. Since I am planning on applying to a graduate music program, it wouldn't be good for me to let my chops go that long without playing. The alumni responded back saying yes and of course I'd be able to take my trumpet. That was when I committed to doing this thing. However, I still had two long years to wait.

While I had my definite answer, there were still periods where I would doubt. Last Spring, I applied to Student Life to be a summer staff member. It was something that I had always wanted to do since I started going there as a youth. I thought that God was calling me to go there. In the end, it was not a part of God's plan for me and I wasn't accepted. For a long time, I separated myself from God without even realizing it. I didn't trust Him or myself. I didn't trust that the World Race was His will for me. Finally I was convicted of it and turned back to Him. He told me that there was a reason He needed me at home and with my youth group. He also assured me that the World Race was a part of His plan for me.

That summer, I saw why He needed me with my youth group. I got to see Him working things out. It gave me peace that He knew what He was doing (well of course He does… but it was nice to see evidence).

The only thing left to do was to decide on a route once they were released. That was the scariest because I didn't have any idea of where I was supposed to go. Once the routes finally were released, every time I prayed about them, my brain went jumbled. I didn't have a clue. I knew I wanted to go on Route 2 because it went to South Korea which is where my best friend from high school was from. But I didn't really know if that was where I was supposed to be. God told me that if we were truly as close as I thought we were, our desires would be the same. He told me to apply.