This morning my team had the opportunity to go to a church about an hour away from where we are staying. When we were told we would get this chance we were asked to have two people share testimonies as well as have two songs prepared. We all took the night to pray about sharing and we decided we would come back in the morning before church to decide who was going to share. This morning rolled around and no one was feeling the call to share at the church. Katie asked us to pray again before leaving and ask the Lord on the hour long drive if we were being asked to speak.
As we made our way to the church I asked the Lord yet again if He wanted me to speak to make it very clear to me what He wanted me to share with the community. I started to work through my testimony in my mind to see if anything stuck out that the Lord was calling me to share. During the first time of doing this the Lord reminded me of what He has been doing in my heart in the last week.
Many of you will already know that a week ago I got the news that my grandfather had passed away. Getting that news hit me a lot harder than I expected. Before leaving on the race my mother and I had the conversation a number of times that he would most likely not be there when I came home next year. I think a large part of me believed that he would make it even though he was getting worse. He had already made it so far and so despit the conversation I secretly didn’t believe he would be gone by the time I came home.
The first three days after hearing the news were miserable. I was filled with a spirit of sorrow and confusion that I just couldn’t seem to shake. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t able to be at home with my family. I didn’t understand what I was doing on the race anymore and I spent a lot of time just thinking I wanted to go home. I spent those three days crying out to the Lord for comfort and understanding. I needed Him to do something, to tell me to go home, or show me why I was here.
Then Thursday things finally started to shift. I was filled with so much joy and energy I had no idea what to do with it. I was so thankful for the change and I continued to press into the things that the Lord was revealing to me. So on the way to the church as I was going over all of this again the Lord revealed something really powerful to me, something He wanted me to share with the small village church we were headed too. The unexplainable amount of joy I was feeling was just a small taste of the joy my grandfather was experiencing in heaven.
I was so thankful and excited to share this story, I sat patiently through the service continuing my conversation with the Lord about what He wanted me to share with the congregation. However, as I stood up to share I barely got started when I looked over at my team and saw tears in Katie’s eyes. I lost my train of thought, but pushed through the main points the Lord had given me.
As I sat back down I remembered a verse I wanted to share but had forgotten. Nehemiah 8:10b “For this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” The Lord gives us the strength we need to make it through the hard times. If we cry out to Him He will fill us with the joy we need. The grieving process is a long one, but it will never separate me from the joy that is given to me by God.
