It is hard to believe that we are at the half way point of the Race. It seems like just yesterday, I was starting to support raise. I would be lying to you if I said that every single day was amazing and full of adventure and meeting new people because they aren’t. Some days are just as mundane as they would be in the USA except that I am somewhere in a village in Zambia or the mountains of Honduras. Some days, I wonder if what I am doing is actually making a difference for anybody because well, yesterday, I spent the day filing papers and wondering if we were going to leave the house. But then I remembered that God told me to do everything for His glory alone. So if that means I am filing papers for a month, then it is for His glory, not my own (really, I am not filing papers all month…we will be doing house visits, creating a strategic plan for a church and Bible school, making curriculum for the Bible school, and helping at a youth conference). That is what He asked me to do, so I will do it. When the really fun, adventurous moments come, they are pretty cool and so much more appreciated than if it was happening every day.
God has done so much work in me that I would not change this journey for a moment. Yes, some days are hard. Harder than I ever pictured. God had plans for this year that required me to deal with the brokenness of my life and run to Him instead of away. Running away never really gets to the root of the problem. It has been hard, but worth every minute. Every difficult thing. Every hard piece of feedback. Every conflict that forces you to press on and have resolution. But the community that I have is incredible. The simple fact that we can have hard conversations that push each other to think and change is amazing. When I am not living up to the woman that God created me to be, my teammates speak life into me and make me speak life over myself. They tell me the truths that God wants me to hear. They encourage me to use my voice and be confident in who I am.
A few months ago, I was challenged with the question “Are you using your shame for the glory of God or are you just sitting in it?” (Thanks Becky!). That has changed my whole mindset and allowed the Lord to use things from my life for His glory even if I think they are messy and can’t be used at all. It is really cool to see the people that He puts in your path when you say “yes” to being used by Him. He uses your brokenness for His glory alone.
The Lord has begun to speak to me in new ways this year and has showed me that I am not using some of the gifts that He has given me. That I have gifts that I didn’t even know He gave me. I have learned to hear His voice so clearly above all others. It is crazy what He will speak to you if you just sit, ask and listen. He speaks to me so clearly through dreams and visions. Oh and painting and coloring as a form of worship…who knew that God could speak so clearly through that, but it is a new favorite!
He has been calling me into a greater freedom in Him. God has revealed to me that there is so much uncharted territory that He has for me to explore with Him. He wants to take me so much deeper and wants me to appreciate His pursuit of me so much more. There really isn’t anything that I can’t do when I am living in Him alone.
I am looking forward to what the next five and a half months hold. I am sure that there are more hard lessons and also some more really amazing adventures to be had with Jesus. Thank you all for your encouragement and support throughout the past year. You are all amazing. I appreciate every message and comment you send. Let me know if there is anything that I can do for you. Let me know what Jesus is teaching you!
