When I left for the race I had only been out of the country one time, a long weekend to a resort in Mexico. When I left for the race I had just gone through a season of caring for and losing my mom. When I left for the race logically I knew life back home would not stop just because I was leaving, but I didn’t really grasp just how much would happen or change.
In just a week this crazy adventure will come to an end. I will no longer carry all my possessions in one bag. I will have bills I need to pay. I will understand what is said over loud speakers.
Part of me is very excited to go home. Hug the people I love. Go to my church. Cook and eat food I like. Figure out what is next.
But another part of me is pulling in the opposite direction. Leaving my squad who has loved me and taught me so much. Not knowing when I will be able to afford to travel again. Being nervous that I have become too much of an adventure junkie for a 9-5.
The reality is I will be going home to something new and unknown. So many things have happened back home while I have been away. In January my dad had surgery and since has had to change things in his life. A few months later his wife also had surgery that pushed pulled and changed them. In March I found out my aunt had cancer, in August she passed away. In July I found out a friend was declared missing by the police and has yet to be found. This past month I was told one of my cousins committed suicide. One of my sisters has gone through a divorce and the other has welcomed a second baby. A dear cousin got married and now has four boys instead of just one. A few other friends have gotten married and now some are expecting. People have moved, anniversaries and special occasions have been celebrated,
And on the other side of the world, I am not the same girl that left in January. I have been immersed in many different cultures and picked up habits and traits along the way. I now think traveling is only hard or taxing when it is over 24 hours. I have fallen in love with people, ministries, countries, cultures and had to leave them at the end of every month.
I am not sure what mashing together all of my experiences and the unknown of home looks like.
Some days I worry I will try to start bargaining at target. Everyone reacts differently. I have no idea how I am going to react. Will it be easy to take in? Will I ever be able to spend more than $4 a day on food and not feel guilty?
I can never express how much this year has impacted me. I am so grateful to have had my eyes opened to the things outside the safe borders of the US and to have experienced God all over the world. Please be patient with me as I navigate coming home and figuring out how both of my new realities work together. I know it might not be immediate, but I am excited for God to show me how these realities will mesh and blend together.
