“Pray” I was told, “again I tell you to pray.” These words echoed around me as I knelt down and touched the people lining up to get prayer. No translator, loud noise from the speakers blaring in my ears. The thought rang in my mind “how in the world is the Lord here? Where are you in the loud ambiance Lord?” I felt my spirit cringing within me, more so my own flesh, yet at the same time I felt in that moment that the name of Jesus was being abused, that the word healing was just being tossed around without really being understood. And the doubtful thought and feeling ran through me “I can’t heal these people, for God isn’t in this place.” I had to pause myself, for how dare I even think that? How dare I think that just because this is something different, something that I’m not use to the Lord isn’t here. I had become a doubting Thomas in that moment.
For at the end of the day no matter what I may be told to do, no matter how people are bringing people to Christ, I have the Holy Spirit residing in me and while I may not feel Him in the moment working and moving as I have in others, He is still very much so alive and active. For I am His hands and feet, His messenger, His vessel to use in any situation.
I paused in mid prayer and looked around me and looked at the women before me, her eyes were closed, children running around and people just piling forward. I took a deep breath, said a prayer of forgiveness for my doubt and asked the Spirit to lead me as I prayed for these men, women and children. I closed my eyes once more and everything around me went silent and I heard Him whisper to me the words that needed to be spoken over each and every person I laid hands on and I didn’t hear anything till I was done with the 60 something people that were present.
The Lord allowed it to be just Him and I, so that I knew in my heart of hearts that He indeed was doing something, whether it was killing people’s doubts, bringing healing to physical ailments or more importantly to people’s souls and breaking chains that held them captive. I knew that despite the fact that I personally wouldn’t see the result, a seed was indeed planted.
After the crusade I and the rest of the team all walked back to the road to wait for our ride. We hopped into the bed of a truck and as it drove off into the night back towards where we lived everyone fell silent. Reflecting on the events of the day. A blessing. A sweet small blessing I thought to myself. Just a single moment of silence, just the sound of the wheels tumbling down the road. For this was the perfect place I could go to after the craziness of the day had finally subsided. I felt so tired, mentally, physically and spiritually. I looked up into the night sky and I thought “I may not have agreed with everything that transpired today but what I do know is that at the end of the day even when someone is screaming at us telling us what we need, or even us thinking we may know what we need and want in the here and now, we or that person at the pulpit don’t know what we need in the big picture. Thankfully God does. This is a broken and imperfect world, the good news is that we weren’t meant for this world. And He is the only thing we can put our faith in!”
We came to a stop on the side of the road and all hopped out of the bed of the truck, crossed the road and began our walk back to where we were staying. I walked at a medium set pace, not with anyone just me and my thoughts. My mind wandered to the day before when we had gone and prayed at the hospital and within the community. We had gone to a house where there was a blind and crippled girl living there. I had learned that her family kept her inside the house, alone, hidden away from the outside world because they were ashamed. My heart had sunk within me and I wanted to go in and get her. A family member in that moment brought her out helping her walk to a matt where she sat and we surrounded her and started to pray. The moment I touched her tears welled up in my eyes and my heart broke, for the Spirit was allowing me to feel His hurt and His broken heart for her. I prayed at first for physical healing but then the Spirit stopped me and told me to put my hands on her head and pray against the lies that have been spoken over her all her life; releasing the chains of shame.
Again no translation had happened so I could only trust the Lord to translate. I stopped praying, saw that I was the only one left and I grabbed her hands and spoke the truth that she is loved, valued, important and perfect, in her there is no flaw. I stood and looked at the family member spoke out the words that the Father gave me “Love my daughter well, do not hide her anymore for she is meant to dance and be with me.” No translation. All was silent. Then tears flooded the women’s eyes, I knew in that moment God spoke to her not me and I bent down one more time gave the girl a hug and a kiss on the head and left, trusting that Papa would continue a good work till it was complete.
Coming back to reality of the evening, I kept comparing the two events and I realized that what God was showing me was how active His Spirit truly is. Whether it’s in the silent recesses of my heart or above the loud ambiance of music, He is working and you know what, when we pray He moves! I was reminded that I quench the Spirit when I operate out of my own power, and when rather I need to take a step back, breathe in and trust Him, and when I operate out of His outflow I get to see how He leads triumphantly. “But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere” (2 Corinthians 2:14).
