When I opened the door I saw there was a fire burning, and someone was in the kitchen. Again fear gripped my heart for no one ever came around in this wooded area. Quietly, I meandered towards the kitchen, mind racing of what I would do to the person. I looked around the corner and there was an elderly man getting some tea ready for two. He looked up and in his eyes I saw the most gentle and genuine look I’d ever seen. He said to me “Don’t just stand there, go and change we have somethings to talk about.” With probably a quizzical look on my face I went and changed real quick and when I was back he was by the fire, inviting me to join him with a raised cup of tea and a nod. I hesitantly went and sat down, not touching the tea incase this man was crazy. “My Beloved” he said, my eyes must have gone so wide because he burst out laughing. “Don’t you think I would know my daughters name?” I still just looked wide eyed and unsure of what to really even say.
“You’ve had quite the adventure this evening and I figured it was time to clear the air a little bit. No you aren’t crazy, you haven’t hit your head on a rock, and no I’m not here to kill you.” I nodded, gave a half smile, and grabbed the cup of tea off the table. “Good, now that you have let your guard down a bit let’s begin. I am the Good Shepherd and you my dear have been wondering alone for quite some time.” I finally mustered up some courage to speak. “What do you mean by that sir?” “Well my dear, it has come to my attention that you may feel like I have let you down. That you feel like the promises I have made you will never come true, and you feel abandoned and forgotten about.” with tears in his eyes he gently said, “and I want you to know that you are never abandoned and never forgotten about. For I see and know all and I know your heart. And those promises I have told you about are still true today, just as they were when I first spoke them to your heart.”
“Then why do I feel like the people you have placed in my life only desert me when things get tough? Why does it seem like the timing is always off? Why does it feel like that the people whom I give my love to decide to just break it? And how come I just feel used, mistreated, and like I am going to end up alone even though you have told me you are preparing me?” I asked, probably with too much hurt and pain in my voice, trying to not burst into tears again. As he started to speak I saw the tears well up in his eyes, I could tell that his heart was breaking just as mine was and as one of his tears broke free, all of mine did and he came over and gathered me into his arms and just hugged me, we sat there for who knows how long till the sobbing ceased. Finally, he whispered the same gentle words in my ear that I had been hearing throughout that evening “I love you.” In that instant I truly could feel the weight of those words, and how he truly meant every single letter. He loved me not for my past, or the future to come, but because I was simply his. And here I was one person out of who knows how many being embraced and given so much love and attention.
I decided to break the embrace and I wiped the rest of the tears from my face “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” He didn’t seem to mind instead he just reached out touched my blond hair and again said “I love you,” I sheepishly smiled and asked “Why have you come to me? I am no one important, why come and tend to me?” He looked down at me and smiled not just with his mouth but with his eyes too, and then there I realized why those brown eyes from the deer looked so familiar, they were the same eyes that were smiling at me in that instant. “I hope you can begin to understand just how important you are to me, just how much value and worth you hold, and how I never want to let any one of my children to feel the way that you have felt.” Instantly the tears came to my eyes again, feeling ashamed and embarrassed I turned away. “You don’t need to be brave in front of me, just be yourself, broken, joyful, angry, hurting, celebrating, you can come before me as you are emotionally naked and unashamed of any of it for I already know your heart, you just need to be brave enough to embrace the emotions with me.”
To be continued…
