Its 9:54pm here in Nepal, I have my headphones in listening to the shuffle of songs on my iPod. The girls on the team I’m with are going about doing their own thing, some getting ready for bed, others filling out their Challenge and Celebration from the week. I hear the faint laughter of a couple of them as they are bonding together; a sweet sound to my ears that brings joy to my heart. It hits though, these are the last moments, the last times I will be with a team and being able to do life with these people. The thought crosses my mind “you should be hanging out with them, you’re wasting your time typing this…” but, something in me just wants to watch, to soak it all in not just with my eyes, but with my heart. For these are the people I have fallen in love with, I have given my heart to and poured into, these men and women that I’ve done life with for the past five months are now ready to move forward, without me.
That’s hard to admit, they are ready, I’m no longer needed and the work I came to do has been completed. While it’s hard its also beautiful, that they no longer need me, they have walked out these first five months breaking down walls, letting people in, pushing the limits that they kept themselves in and now its time to pass the baton on, as it were. All the conversations I have had, where the Lord allowed me to speak truths and share love with each individual were all now coming to a close.
While it’s hard it’s also beautiful, that they no longer need me.
My mind drifted back to the very beginning of when I first met them, training camp. It seems like a year ago but in all reality it has only been a few months. I remember when I met them they all had an excitement and deer in the headlights look with the question of “what did I get myself into?” written on their faces. We ventured forth into the unknown of what was to come surviving the torrential down pour during tarp night huddled against each other, or around the fire we managed to get started. To the man hike and the women beasting it at capture the flag. Such great memories and it was only the start. Launch came and even more excitement was there and again though an unknown look as we were all about to embark on an adventure that was about to change the rest of our lives. With clear eyes, and full hearts we headed on the start of a journey that would radically change our lives.
Everyone started off with wonder in their eyes, the thrill of the unknown right at their fingertips. Seeking newness both in themselves and the culture around them. I could see the transformation beginning even month one with some and others I knew it would take longer but, it was going to be okay because Papa was wooing His children the exact way He desired to. As I spent time with teams getting to know people I saw Christ truly captivating them, showing new facets of Himself and giving them dreams and desires that had been mere rumblings yet were turning into a burning flame. Just as month two, three, and four came and went so did walls, the false self, the unwillingness to be vulnerable with each other. But, with that came boldness, willingness to go and do, the ability to speak truth into people and hearing what the Lord had for them. As we stepped foot in Nepal, I did not see the same men and women I started this trip off with, I saw them more confident in who they are as a son or daughter of Christ, I saw a boldness and willingness to step into new seasons, and a thirst for more.
It was okay because Papa was wooing His children the exact way He desired to.
Nepal was going to be different than the rest of the months because it meant change. Yes, we all experienced change at the very beginning of the race, but now we had gotten use to certain people, events, rotations of team times, living situations, leaders, the list could go on, but you get the picture. Now, new teams were formed, new team leaders, treasurers, and squad leaders, which meant getting use to newness again. Yet, its beautiful really to step into these new seasons, because it means that something more is on the horizon. It means that new challenges will arise which in turn becomes growth and with it hope of things to come. Hard, difficult, yet good and needed transition.
It’s beautiful to step into these new seasons, because it means that something more is on the horizon.
Which brings me here…to this very moment…typing…wondering what are the next months going to look like for me? I’ve now traded places with my squadlings, I’ve now become the deer in the headlights, looking at the unknown ahead of me. Yet I know even in the midst of the uncertainty there is good that is going to come, to which I can only shout great songs of joy and praise that my heavenly Father is going to continue to take care of every single detail of my life, I just need to have a willing heart and open hands. I decided to look back on a note that I put on my iPod entitled “words for you” in it I write words that I receive for people from Papa and share it later with them.
Part of one word in particular stood out to me, it’s one that I gave the squad at the beginning of the month, which says:
“…because I have given you my authority you can then boldly go forth without a seconds hesitation. Now the enemy is going to do everything he can to stop you because he knows just how powerful and effective you will be. He will try to instill doubt, anxiety, and fear yet when you feel those things step into those areas I’m calling you to for there you will see victory! For I have already conquered this land! I have already won the battle. I did that when my son died and rose again for your sake. He risked it all and said “give me back my house!” For fear is actually our weapon tell it thank you for reminding you that it’s your weapon. Because fear is a spirit of rejection, but you have been accepted! You have my love and my love drives out fear, and you have not been given a spirit of fear, but one of triumph! Fix your eyes on me and I’ll keep saying it again and again, fix your eyes on me! For my love controls (2 Corinthians 5:14a), it controls every situation that you face; good or bad I am constant and unwavering for my love casts out all fears that you may have…”
On I go then, without them, them without me. All good and needed, with my eyes fully fixed on Jesus for even though I know not what is to come I can rest in the reassurance that the land before me is like the Garden of Eden which is filled with such good promises and as Captain Jack Sparrow would say, “Now bring me that horizon.”
