Jesus do anything you need to in me so that you can do everything through me.
This was part of a prayer that our speaker, Ron Walborn, at training camp (TC) had us say, and oh my lanta did the Lord come through with this one. I’ll admit I was expecting some encounter with God, but not to be rocked the way that I was during TC. There were quite a few nights where things happened that I can’t begin to describe what really occurred. I will say this though they were all impactful and will stick with me for the rest of my life. Two of the talks that really struck home for me were over forgiveness and grieving the seasons of our lives.
Starting off with forgiveness, I thought that I had forgiven everyone who had hurt me until Ron brought up these questions:
Is there a person who you tend to…
- Continually rehearse the wounding scenarios connected to this person?
- Avoid and treat with indifference?
- Talk to others about in a negative light?
- Carry a secret wish that they would somehow fail or feel pain?
- Treat in a passive/aggressive way?
- Become easily offended by?
So did you answer yes to any of these or to all of them?
Well if you did…looks like we both have some forgiveness we still need to practice.
Why should we practice forgiveness?
- Unforgiveness hurts our relationship with God—Matthew 6:14-15
- Unforgiveness destroys relationships with others—Psalm 71:21-22, Hebrews 12:14-15
- Unforgiveness gives the devil a foothold—2 Corinthians 2:10-11, Ephesians 4:26-27
For me these didn’t really sink in until Ron talked about grieving the seasons of our lives. I believe that the reason why is because I’ve been holding in so much pain from past relationships that even though I thought I had forgiven the people who have hurt me I never truly did…the tears and emotions that I had been holding in were long overdue.
One point in particular that Ron brought up was “why is grieving necessary? What happens when we do not grieve?” In his response to this question he said that we deaden our hearts. This hit home for me. I realized then and there how dead my heart was to certain emotions. I looked back into my past and I thought of the last six years and realized that during almost four of those years my heart had become hardened and that it was starting to begin again.
I had become numb. Emotions that once were there were not anymore until the world that I knew came crumbling down and then I just lost it.
It took the world that I was comfortable in, the world that I knew and understood to fall apart to break me. It took God to take away my comfortable state to teach me and to show me everything I had been holding in.
I learned that we must grieve the painful losses of the past seasons of our life before we can effectively embrace the present and the future and that to grieve is to allow our losses to tear apart feelings of security and safety and lead us to the painful truth of our brokenness.
God brought me back to that state where I was able to actually grieve the people who have hurt me most recently. When I was able to do that I then realized that bitterness and anger had been harvesting in my heart, which then in turn allowed me to fully let go and fully forgive…
Even though I was finally able to fully forgive it did not mean that the pain was fully gone it’s still there, but it’s less and day by day it gets easier.
“For his anger is but a moment, and his favor is for a life time. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”—Psalm 30:5
True joy, I’ve learned is not a feeling, but a calm assurance of resting in the reality that Jesus is Lord—and He is in control. Allowing God to be in control of every situation is the best thing that we can do for ourselves. He loves you without condition, He doesn't look at you with judgment, He promises to use this all for His good. Your past does not define you; rather His forgiveness and mercy are always there with welcome arms to hold us. What amazing gifts those are to us that are unworthy. So wouldn't it be grand if we were as gracious and forgiving as our God?
