It is wild for me to realize I have been walking with the Lord consciously for nearly ten years. It doesn’t seem like it has been that long, but I suppose when you are having fun, time flies. Really though, it wasn’t always fun or easy. It was sometimes the toughest part of life, but I have also learned that the hardest things in life often have the biggest reward. Anything worth having won’t necessarily come easy. There is work that must be done to achieve your goals.
When I look back on that day that I asked God to be a part of my life it was so simple. My seed of faith was so small, I didn’t know what would come of it. I was laying in my bed, stressed and over trying to live life my way. I was tired of trying to be independent to prove what I was made of to this world. I had grown up in church, so I had something to think back on. I wasn’t ever really sure if it was true, I only knew two things; (1) when I was younger that worship music hit me in a way nothing else did, and (2) I would never know the truth if I never tried for myself.
So, I sat there not really knowing what the right words to say were. I only learned how to pray for my food. All I knew to do was be honest and ask for what I had been longing for. I said, “God I am not sure if you are real, but if you are can you save me? I need you.” From that day forward, I made a commitment to pray to Him each morning. All I ever said was, “thank you for waking me up”. I wasn’t sure what else to say back then and there were times I wished He hadn’t woken me up, but I thanked Him anyway. Sometimes I would forget, then I would apologize and do it when I realized, that’s when my prayer grew. I started saying, “Lord thank you for waking me up and please forgive me of my sins, knowingly and unknowingly.”
My relationship with Him was so simple, but He began to show me that He, in fact, had always been there, He was just waiting for me to invite Him in. For the record, it has been the best choice I have ever made in my life. Me and God’s relationship has grown so much since that day. I still haven’t grown to the place where I can pray for hours on end without my mind acting like I’m Dory from Nemo, but I can hold up a conversation with Him far more than I could when I took my first step.
It is like a baby growing up, they don’t know how to speak in the beginning, they just make some noise, but it gets the parents attention. Then one day out of nowhere you almost can’t get them to be quiet unless of course, you put some sort of technology in their face. That is one of the greatest downfalls in this generation, we would rather scroll than pray and that gets in the way.
Had you told me that long ago that I would be preparing to go on a mission trip like this, I may have looked at you sideways? The crazy thing is when I was younger, I was planting seeds of faith and talking to God and didn’t even have a clue. All the things that I have been doing lately from going away for college (even the distance of college), moving to California the exact way I did, and traveling the world. These are all conversations that I had with God when I was young and dreaming. I thought I was just talking to myself, but He shows me He was still listening. Me doing all of these things didn’t even start until after I and God’s relationship began to grow. I know for a fact I didn’t do any of this on my own.
I am smart don’t get me wrong, but don’t be fooled, I am in no way capable of any of this in my own strength. What you see today is a mustard seed that grew in faith, so small, but grew so tall. Maybe you’re there, maybe you feel like you’re tired of trying to live life your way. Maybe you have faith but feel weak. Maybe your faith is strong, but even we have moments and you have to still rely on your mustard seed. No matter where you are today, I want you to know that God is with you at all times. You may not recognize Him, but there is this saying that says, if you can’t trace Him, trust Him.
I didn’t start going back to church until two years after I called out to God in my room that day. Church is amazing, but some people go to church and don’t find God and some people go to the corner and that’s where they find Him. Everyone’s walk is different, don’t allow people to hold you back from knowing God for yourself. Many people judged me and doubted me because of my past, but no one knew my relationship with God.
Take that step-in faith today by planting your mustard seed and see how it grows over time, you won’t regret it if you do, but if you don’t? I can only tell you I would have regretted it if I didn’t.
Pray this with me:
Father,
I am not sure how to feel, I am not completely sure if you are real. I am tired of trying to be so tough on my own, I need your help to carry this load. Today Father, I want to invite you into my life. Lord, teach me your ways and help me to grow. God, please forgive me for the things I have done that may have hurt you whether I am aware of them or not. Jesus, I accept you as my Lord and Savior now. Holy Spirit please guide me through the right path. Father place your hand on my life and don’t let me go. Thank you for hearing my prayer and for accepting me as your own. In your Holy name, I pray, Amen.
Helpful Scriptures:
Luke 13:18-19 “So He was saying, “What is the kingdom of God like, and to what shall I compare it? “It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and threw into his own garden; and it grew and became a tree, and THE BIRDS OF THE AIR NESTED IN ITS BRANCHES.”
1 Kings 10:7 “But I had no faith in what was said about you, till I came and saw for myself; and now I see that it was not half the story; your wisdom and your wealth are much greater than they said.”
Psalm 7:1 “O Lord my God, I put my faith in you; take me out of the hands of him who is cruel to me, and make me free.”
Psalm 9:10 “And those who have knowledge of your name will put their faith in you; because you, Lord, have ever given your help to those who were waiting for you.”
Psalm 16:1 “Keep me safe, O God: for in you I have put my faith.”
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Matthew 17:20 “And He said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible to you.”
